xantu magic

Rituals

2012-01-21T09:08:00.000-08:00

Rituals... I got to thinking about how it is rituals... all rituals. HE (the caps are intentional, even tho on this new laptop it is a bitch to type without an error every five taps... but that is another story.)... anyway, lately HE has very much been into rituals.

From morning wake ups to bedtime tuck ins... the order of things... the manner of things... all are becoming increasingly rigid. One can look at the clock and calendar and see exactly where one is and what to expect. Even this... this out of order tap, tap, tap of the fingers on the new (and recalcitrant) keyboard has elicited an immediate and intrusive... "What are you doing????" (You could infer that I have not been writing as much lately... and you would be correct.)

HE not only expects me to greet him on my knees every night when he arrives home from work... HE DEMANDS it. A brief hesitation to adjust the clothing before going down to the floor will result in a sharp bark of "get your ass down there, now!!!".  And to think it was my idea... and that HE still mocks me when I am there... telling me how silly I am... woe to the tardy bitch that is not there promptly... so that he may walk around me, regarding me... and take advantage of my vulnerable position to tickle, grope, spank.

Last night... Friday night... every Friday night I am tasked with the making the decision as to which place to go out to eat... (Yeah, I know... pillow princess... but once again... it is HIS pillow and HIS decision to make me live in this guilded cage... but again that is another story.) So this Friday I decided to be adventurous and suggested we try this new hamburger place... supposedly according to reviews and lists and polls... Five Guys Hamburgers are the "best"... so what the hell.. lets be brave. Suffice to say, I was unimpressed... but HE... HE was livid... HE growled out a "Oh, HUH UH" at the door... but ignored my whimpered... "We can go somewhere else."  Choosing instead to sit and glare at me with this accusatory, "oh you stupid bitch" expression on his face the whole time we were there. I should know better. I should know that he would prefer to eat at the same place every Friday and pretend it was my decision.

He was right... the food was barely edible... the ambiance was horrid... dirty, loud, cold, crowded, expensive... at best an experience to file away under... "well, we know we won't ever go back there". And in the car I managed to mend fences by enthusiastically agreeing with all his critisims... tho I think that the best was... "That place is an illustration of exactly what is wrong with America."  Greasy, portions too large... and people idly throwning peanut shells, french fries and god knows what else onto the floor to be walked upon by the throng. The only thing I could say positive is the actual hamberger patty was good... but I must add, I have never eaten a worse hamburger bun anywhere... even counting school hot lunch programs.

So this Friday ritual will retreat into the familiar and the predictable for a while... if not forever.

Confinement

2011-12-29T14:05:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many story fragments I have started like this....

The box looked disturbingly like a coffin, barely wider than her shoulders and long enough to lie down in. She stared at it with measuring eyes. Once she was in she would not be able to roll over, hell… she would not be able to move at all.

It was well made, smooth sanded wood, stained and finished to a deep gleaming black. Heavy brass hinges on one side, and equally heavy latches on the other only added to the sense that is was a coffin. She had no idea where he had gotten it.

“You ready?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, now, it’s Friday… we got the whole weekend.”

The whole weekend… just the words made her stomach lurch. She swallowed and nodded uncertainly. “What if I can’t?”

“Can’t what?”

“Do it… you know… stay in. What if I want out?”

“You won’t be able to get out… at least not until I decide. You knew that was the deal. You agreed to this. You knew this was the next step, being boxed.”

Her voice was over loud, more than a little panicked, “I know… I did… I guess I am scared.”

He looked at her, his eyes narrowing, thoughtful. “I think that you should be afraid. If you weren’t afraid this would be a little weird. It is about facing your fear.” He paused and reached for her, pulling her close, staring deep into her eyes. “…facing your fear and trusting me. You trust me don’t you?”

She swallowed hard, trying not to blink to shy away from the intensity of his gaze. Nervously she nodded, but before she could speak he leaned down and opened the lid, revealing a padded interior. The lining was black, and contoured to fit a body …a body just like hers. She looked up at him, all words forgotten. His eyes were proud, “I had it custom fitted for you.”

It was upholstered with soft black fabric. It looked soft. Oddly she felt a strange impulse to touch it, and glancing at him as she tentatively leaned down and touched it. It was soft… on the surface but the padding was firm, yielding only gradually to the firmest of pressure. Her voice was soft, introspective, “For me?”

“Yes… I know your measurements and it’s that new space age foam, the stuff they make those new expensive mattresses out of. They made it a little tight but it is supposed to mold around you… hold you tight.”

“How will I breathe?”

He pointed at the heavy lid, “See, here, over your face there is a mesh. There is a little fan built into the box but even if the electricity went out there would be enough air to breath.”

“Would you be able to hear me?”

“Of course.”

Her voice trembled with the next question, “How long?”

“If I told you, then you would know. It is the not knowing… that is the test.”

...stories about boxes and blindfolds... ear plugs and restraints... fantasies of confinement.

and...

I stop and think... in may ways I am confined. Trapped in a small box of my own making. Bound by routine and convention. In my slow tranformation to fit his expectations... my world has constricted down and down and down.

Master's preference is the predictable, the controllable... he has little patience for novelty... anything new is met with suspicion, analysis and almost universally found unsatisfactory. So I am surrounded by sameness. And I has slowly sunk down... my imagination starved and shrunken... it is all two eggs and hashbrowns, sitting in the same chairs, watching the same television shows... the exercise of repeated perfection of the same two steps of the same dance... performed to the same notes of music.

So I am bound... boxed... confined... and surprisingly... not particularly unhappy about it. Time passes in my little box... very little surprising or disturbing manages to leak in. Small changes loom large... things so trivial they seem ludicrous... a willingness to try a new brand of hashbrowns... directing me to drive once... a different shirt.

I suspect if something or someone lifted the lid to my box, I would be the first to reach up and pull it shut again. After all it has grown familiar and oddly comforting.

'Mere-bot

2011-10-12T18:48:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in this messy house... and seriously, my dear, I seriously don't seem to care... and thank gawd... neither does he. I remember reading recently in someone else's blog that if you get told to go wash the dishes and you do, you are submissive... because if you were a slave he would not have to tell you... or something like that. Anyway... I have let the service part of this deal go down the pooper.

Work has been taking a lot of my energy... and more than energy... it leaves me unambitious. I just can't care enough to keep ahead of it... dishes... Hah! They can pile up... and up... and up.

And this last weekend, when he ordered me to come climb up in his lap... a short bark of 'mere'! I crawled up and mumbled in his neck... "I don't think I am really a slave."

He asked me why.

And I said... "I just don't do all those slave things... I don't do a good job of keeping this house. I am not a slave."

And he said... "If you are not a slave what are you?"

And I sat up and looked him in the eye... "I am a 'mere-bot." A snuggle on demand lazy ass bitch.

Serial Saturday: Northwest Hunters: Book Three: Chapter Five

2011-10-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

Northwest Hunters: The End of Evil

Chapter 5: Facing Fears

Sadly she made her way downstairs and began to fold some laundry. She was still working in the laundry room when she heard Bob come in through the back door into the basement. He was speaking in a firm quiet voice and she knew Donna had to be with him, too. Junie continued to busy herself, cleaning the already spotless room, unable to face them. Finally she heard Bob’s steps as he went into her room and then he called her name, his voice impatient.

Taking a deep breath she stepped out of the laundry room, “Yes?” Bob was standing over Donna as she knelt in the center of the room. Junie immediately noticed that Donna was wearing a blindfold and had her hands tied behind her back.

“So that’s where you have been hiding yourself.” His voice was soft and amused. Junie told herself that he was just joking, that it had been just a figure of speech.

“Yes, Sir, got me a good hiding spot behind the dryer, nice and warm back there.”

“Well get your ass out here.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Junie moved quickly to stand before him and clasped her hands behind her back. She stared at the floor uncertain as to what he wanted. His hand stroked her face and she closed her eyes and felt a quiver of resistance, the tiniest little impulse to pull away. Forcing herself to smile, she turned her face toward his hand and gently kissed his fingers.

“Your Mistress seems to have been having some fun shopping in the sex toy store. Did she show you all her purchases?”

“No, Sir, I only saw the two vibrators. We used them when we played our game.” Junie found her eyes staring down at the form of Donna kneeling perfectly still on the floor, her face calm and expressionless behind the mask hiding her eyes.

“Yes, she told me of the game. You two sounded like you had fun. She was very impressed with your stamina. How convenient for you both that there was no winner or loser. But you denied me the fun of figuring out a reward for the winner. I do not know if I am satisfied with that. Perhaps we should play a final round to see who will win.” Bob stepped away and pulled the familiar bag that had come from the store out of the toy box. “Your Mistress surprised me. She rarely splurges like this.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a box and opening it, held up a double ended dildo. “Though I can see what attracted her to this.”

Bob reached down and took Donna’s elbow, “Come, my goddess. We will have one more competition, but I think I will change the rules.” He steadied her as she stood and then led her towards Junie’s bedroom. Looking back over his shoulder, he called back, “Junie, don’t just stand there. Get your ass in gear.”

Bob arranged them on the bed, Donna with her head near the headboard and Junie with her head almost hanging off over the foot. Taking some ropes he tied their hands to the corners of the bed and then, tipping each of them slightly on their sides, brought their legs in around each other’s bodies in a scissor shape, their crotches close together. Junie could feel the cool moist lubricant as he slipped the dildo into her and then urged her closer until she could feel the touch of Donna’s warm flesh pressing against hers.

“So here are the new rules. Instead of who can last the longest without coming, the winner will be who comes first. Donna is not speaking, but has permission to vocalize her pleasure. Winner gets to come, loser must suffer without. Start anytime you feel like it.”

Junie felt Donna’s hips begin to surge and rock, grinding against her. Junie found her movements stiff and jerky, her body obeying but her heart not in it. She squeezed her eyes shut, meeting and matching Donna’s movements, deliberately pressing down on Donna’s cunt with her thigh, urging her toward her orgasm. Soon Donna was making soft moaning sounds and Junie matched them, making soft little encouraging grunts, whispering, “Yes, that’s good.” Donna’s sounds and movements were compelling and Junie could feel herself warming, the tension building in her own body, but she knew that she was not going to win; she had no intention of winning.

When Donna cried out, her hips snapping and jerking with her climax, Junie felt a wave of relief. Somehow she knew that coming very easily could have washed away the fragile wall she had built around her pain. And, while she was not sure exactly why she was feeling this way, she did not want to reveal it to her Master.

Junie could feel her body trembling with its need for release, but she had felt worse many times before. In many ways the soft continual ache of lust was very pleasant. When Bob pulled the dildo from her swollen folds she pressed her legs together savoring the empty feeling in her cunt that so matched the hole in her heart.

Junie realized she had not even opened her eyes when he spoke again, “Well, the clear winner is Donna. And, Junie, you will have to contend with your need a while longer. I will decide how much longer at a later time, certainly not tonight.” Forcing her face to look sad, keeping her treacherous eyes closed tight to hide her true feelings, Junie let a tiny rebellious wave of joy well up through her. All she knew was she was glad that she had not come and for right now did not want to come ever again.

The rest of the night Junie found herself obediently, even enthusiastically assisting her Master as he made love to Donna. She found herself lying under her Mistress as she was on her hands and knees, licking at her cunt, while her Master took her from behind. Her tongue caressing them both at the junction of their union, her spirit rejoicing as she felt her Mistress convulsing in pleasure with each touch.

Somehow it felt safe and easy to give pleasure, her mind happy and clear in her task, her body in control of itself. She eagerly cleaned them both with her mouth and then bathed them with a basin of warm water and a cloth, leaving loving kisses on the freshly cleaned flesh as was always her habit, telling herself that everything was going to be okay.

She lay in the bed still and quiet beside Bob, listening to his breathing. Donna was sleeping at the foot of the bed on the floor. Very quietly she would turn her head and look at the time on the clock, playing an idle game of trying to see how many minutes had passed since the last time she had looked. She had given up trying to sleep hours ago. Her mind was a spinning blur of confusion. What was it she was afraid of losing? Was it attention, safety, love? Somehow it felt like all those things and something more. It was the something more that had her twisting. If she could just figure that out then maybe she could sleep.

The only way Junie knew she had slept was the fading echoes of a dream; forgotten the instant she tried to remember. All that remained was a restless sense of dissatisfaction, like she had been trying to say something or do something and was frustrated.

What woke her was the familiar sensation of her Master’s hand idly playing with her breast, his fingers toying with her nipple. A deep quiver of need shook through her, her body insistently reminding her it needed satisfaction. It had been days and Junie was keenly aware that since coming to live with her Master and Mistress she had become very accustomed to a rich sexual diet.

Taking a deep breath she ignored the ache and throb that started in her cunt, but reached up through her gut and lodged in her throat, an aching lump of unshed tears. Forcing herself to retreat into routine, she twisted in her Master’s arms and kissed him gently. Soundlessly she mouthed the words, “Good morning,” and slipped from the bed to start her day.

The form of her Mistress sleeping on the floor at the foot of the bed, made Junie’s feet falter and pause. Donna was curled in a tiny ball with her blindfold still firmly in place. Still deeply asleep, her face was relaxed and Junie thought she looked peaceful and happy. A wave of guilt for feeling so needy and resentful made Junie’s lips turn down. Junie pushed herself toward the bathroom.

As she washed her face and combed her hair, Junie realized she was waiting. Always before, her Master had been close on her heels, joining her in her morning routine. But this time he did not come into the bathroom with her.

When she returned to her room he was dressed and was pulling Donna to her feet. He looked up at Junie, “Good, go ahead and make coffee and then deal with the dogs. Take them for their walk and then brush them. We should be back in time for breakfast.”

Junie looked down at her nude body, “Um, Sir, you said yesterday that I should stay naked. Is that your wish for me today as well?” Her voice sounded stiff and formal in her ears.

Bob frowned, still staring at Donna, apparently lost in thought, “Whatever, I don’t care.” He paused and looked up at Junie, “Just get dressed.” Gripping Donna’s arm firmly he urged her along in front of him as he walked away.

Junie stood swaying in shock, her mouth open and gasping. His words ‘I don’t care’ ricocheted around inside her head, each echo crushing and bruising her until she fell to her knees, her arms wrapped around her body, desperately trying to hold the pieces of her broken heart together.

Junie blindly, mechanically went through the motions of her morning, her mind and heart numb. Even the gentle touch and warmth of the dogs could not penetrate the dull ache that seemed to fill her. Her whole body felt heavy, her stomach was cramping, and even the flesh of her loins felt heavy and leaden.

Bob kept Donna at his side every second of the day. It seemed like all his attention was absorbed with her. Throughout the day Bob focused his attention on Donna, alternately punishing her and teasing her. Over and over Junie found herself pausing, staring in envy and resentment and then averting her eyes in guilt at some vision of extreme submission. It seemed like the images were seared into Junie’s memory. Donna tied in a contorted knot, a vibrator making her squirm and groan. Donna spread-eagled and screaming as Bob scourged her with a cane. And somehow most difficult of all, Donna still and unreachable, swaying in fatigue, bound, blindfolded, her ears covered with the headphones, kneeling statue still at their Master’s feet.

Junie threw herself into her duties, filling her day with the house, the dogs and the garden. Carefully hiding her face as much as possible, finding some urgent chore always as far away as possible, Junie worked on the walls around her pain, telling herself that she had no right to feel the way she did, that she was being childish, that she just had to suck it up.

It was late afternoon when she discovered she had started her period. Blinking her eyes in disbelief she looked at the bloody stain on the toilet paper. This was the last thing she needed now. Her menstrual cycle had become increasingly erratic and unpredictable lately. She knew it was a natural part of getting older, but she had missed the last couple of months and, with all the excitement, she had somehow forgotten it could happen at all.

Even worse was the fact that she did not have any tampons in the house. Knowing that she needed to tell Bob that she was leaving to run an errand into town, Junie looked all over the house and the garage. Neither Bob nor Donna were anywhere to be found, and noticing that the dogs were nowhere to be seen, Junie realized that they had to be on a walk in the woods.

Suddenly impatient and frustrated with her inability to find them, Junie wrote a quick note, ‘I looked all over for you, but I could not find you to ask. I need to run to town to pick up a few things. Be home soon. Love, Junie.’ She left the note on the table and grabbing a list of a few other things they were running low on, she grabbed her keys and billfold and hurried out to her car.

Junie stopped by the local drug store and picked up a big package of her favorite tampons and some panty-liners. There was no predicting how heavy or how long this period would last. As she was in the drug store, she had a fleeting thought, wondering if some of her unstable feelings were from a shift in her hormones. She never had had much trouble with PMS in the past, but with the stress of the trip to Portland and the pending trial, maybe this was all just something that would pass as her cycle wound around.

Stopping by the co-op grocery she stocked up on a few things that they were running low on, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, ginger root and high gluten flour. On impulse she picked up a big chunk of bulk dark chocolate.

She stopped by the department store and browsed through the DVD section, looking for some of her old favorite movies that she had been missing. There was one children’s animated movie she had always watched when she was feeling down that could always make tears come to her eyes. She smiled sadly at the familiar cover, thinking back to all the times she had watched this movie, singing along with the songs, speaking the dialog along with the characters on the screen.

Junie wasn’t exactly conscious that she was drawing out this visit to town, letting the time slip away. All she knew was that she felt a curious reluctance to return home. As she drove past Mary’s sewing shop she could not resist stopping by to say hello, after all she had broken a sewing machine needle last week and had used her last one to replace it. When Junie walked in Mary looked up and smiled, “Junie, how have you been?”

“Oh just fine, it’s been a busy summer with the garden and puppies. I really have not had time for much sewing, but I did get my corset done. I should have remembered to bring it in to show you.”

Mary laughed, “Maybe I should have you make me one.” Then a shadow fell over her face, “There is no hurry on that though, they have extended Stan’s duty, again.” Junie knew that Stan was Mary’s husband and he was in a National Guard unit deployed in the Middle East.

“Oh, honey, I am so sorry. I knew how much you were looking forward to his coming home.”

Mary’s face crumpled for a second and then she forced herself to smile. “He thinks he might be able to come home on leave around Christmas.” Her voice bright and brittle, “It would be a nice present for Miranda to see her Daddy. All she has is pictures.” Again Mary’s face trembled.

Junie could not resist gathering the young woman into her arms. “Goodness, girl, you should have called me. Facing this all alone, you don’t have to put on a brave face for me.”

Mary sagged in Junie’s arms and between soft little sobs, poured out her heart. “It’s so hard. Every day I wonder if he will come home at all. I worry he will get killed or just forget about us. I know it’s crazy, but I still have doubts. He’s just so far away and it’s been so long.”

Junie held the crying girl until she had no more tears and then helped her close up the shop. “You are just down because you expected him sooner. He has not forgotten you. He writes and calls. Having a good cry, now and then, does not hurt anything. When you get home write him a nice letter. Have Miranda color him a picture.”

Mary smiled and wiped her eyes, “Thanks, I know you are right. I just don’t have anyone much to talk to about these things. I have been carrying this around inside myself for a long time. My family pretty much refuses to talk to me about Stan. They were all modern and,” Mary held her fingers up and made exaggerated quote marks with her fingers, “politically correct. That is until I fell in love with and married a black man and then all of a sudden they were all… ‘Are you sure this is a good idea? Are you sure this isn’t a mistake? Are you sure that he is really responsible enough?” Mary gave a bitter laugh, “I asked them if they were sure if he wasn’t white enough? They were really offended that I would suggest such a thing, but now, when I feel down, I can’t really turn to them. They act like Miranda does not even exist. My Dad won’t even look at her.”

As they hugged good bye and promised to talk more often, Junie was becoming uncomfortably aware that she had spent much longer in town than she had planned. When she reached into her purse to call she grimaced, her cell was on its charger in her sewing room. “Damn it.”

The sun was almost down when she pulled into the yard. When she walked into the house with her purchases in her arms, Bob and Donna were both sitting at the table. Donna was still nude, but the blindfold was gone and she was sitting at her place at the table. Junie could see her cell phone sitting on the table next to the note she had left. Bob looked up, his eyes dark and angry. “Be home soon? Where the hell have you been?”

Junie blanched and shrank back, “I just needed some things. I got a little side tracked. I stopped by Mary’s and she was feeling really down and needed a shoulder to cry on.” She was speaking as quickly as possible and shifting nervously on her feet, clutching the bags in her hands. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize I was going to be gone this long.”

Donna’s voice was hoarse and tired, “Both your Master and I were very disturbed at your unexpected absence.”

A flare of anger shook through Junie, “I tried to find you. I looked all over. You were gone god knows where. What was I supposed to do? You were gone!” Suddenly aware that she was yelling, Junie gasped in horror and dropping the bags, bolted for her room.

Junie was on her knees in the corner of her room sobbing when she heard her Mistress’s voice, “That was interesting.”

Junie huddled into a smaller ball, pressing herself into the corner, and choked out, “I’m sorry.”

Bob’s voice was sharp and impatient, “You keep saying that, ‘sorry’. I am tired of hearing that. I asked you a question. Where the hell were you?”

Junie’s voice was muffled and soft, “Drugstore, Co-op, department store, and Mary’s.”

Bob’s voice cracked, “God damn it! Get the fuck out of that corner and look me in the eye!”

Junie flinched and scrambled to kneel at his feet, but could not bring herself to look up at him. She stared miserably at his feet as he paced back and forth across her room. His voice was tense and angry, “Your little escapade interrupted your Mistress’s time with me at a very sensitive point of her journey. Your absence was an unnecessary distraction and may very well have stolen from her the peace and balance she was seeking.”

Again Junie was shaken by a wave of anger. Her eyes flashed up at his face and her mouth opened and then snapped shut. Just as quickly her eyes slipped away from his face and fell to his feet once more.

Bob’s hand in her hair jerked her head around, forcing her face up, “What the fuck was that? I told you to look me in the eye, bitch.” Junie found her eyes locked on his steely blue gaze. “That’s better. You know that look you just gave me was the first honest thing you have given me since you have gotten home from Portland.”

If he had not had a firm grip in her hair, Junie would have twisted away. Blinking, she tried to shake her head, denying what she knew was true, “No…”

Bob gave her an impatient shake, “The truth, Junie, you know I won’t accept anything but the truth. What was it you were going to say?”

Junie’s mouth opened and shut, trying to form words, if there were words to describe these feelings. “I don’t know. I just hate this. It feels like I am losing something… something I can’t survive without. Every time I look at Donna it feels like someone is ripping my guts out. I don’t even know exactly why, but I have felt abandoned and alone all day.”

Bob shook his head, puzzled and irritated, “I told you this was just for a while. I told you that you needed to come to me for guidance.”

Junie convulsed and tried to pull away, her voice was a despairing wail, “I tried, but you were always busy. You… you… you said you didn’t care.”

Bob let go of her hair and Junie fell to the floor sobbing. “I never said any such thing.”

Donna’s voice was cool and soft, “Actually, honey, you did say that. First thing this morning, Junie asked you if she should dress and you said ‘I don’t care’.”

Bob paused and then defended himself, “I was just talking about the fucking clothes.”

Donna sighed and nodded, “Of course, you knew that… even I knew that… but our girl is going through something right now and is feeling very vulnerable.” Donna frowned and rubbed her face, “It was selfish of me to do this now, obviously Junie is a lot more fragile from our trip to Portland than I realized.”

Junie jerked as if struck, a fresh wave of sobs shook her. Then she stiffened as a tide of hot wetness flowed from her womb, saturating her panties. Instinctively as she reached down to cup her hand between her legs; she could feel the dampness soaking through. Junie lifted her hand and looked at the blood smeared there, “Fuck!”

Donna’s voice was soft and surprised, “Are you all right?”

Scrambling to her feet Junie darted into the bathroom, her voice was embarrassed, “It’s just my period. I overflowed my tampon.”

Donna followed her into the bathroom, “I had almost forgotten about this. Do you think this may have anything to do with your mood?”

Junie stripped off her shorts and panties and was sitting on the toilet, wiping at herself, “I don’t know, maybe. The whole thing has been so unpredictable lately.” Junie muttered in frustration, “Crap, I forgot my tampons are still upstairs in those bags. I swear my head is made of Swiss cheese. I will be right back.” Holding the washcloth between her legs, she started to go upstairs.

Donna held up her hand, “No, just wait here. I will get them.”

As Donna handed her the box, Junie felt something ease and loosen inside her. She looked up in gratitude, “Thanks, Ma’am.” Her voice trembled and broke, “I really am sorry. You weren’t the selfish one. It was me. All I knew was it felt like you were going away and I could not bear it.”

Bob’s voice came from the doorway, “Okay, you two, testosterone coming in.”

Junie could not help giggling, “Yes, Sir. Come on in, but be careful the estrogen is pretty deep in here.”

Bob looked curiously toward Junie, “So you are having your period?”

“Yes, Sir, that’s the main reason I needed to go to town. I didn’t have any tampons.”

“Is there anything I need to know?”

“About my period?”

Bob laughed, “Well, for now… yes, about your period.”

“Um, I guess not. I… um… guess it shouldn’t interfere too much with anything… um… that you want from me. But it is hard to predict, my flow is pretty heavy right now. If you want to have sex, it would be pretty messy.”

Bob shrugged, “It’s been quite a while since either Donna or I had to deal with this. Go ahead and finish what you need to do to clean up. And then come on out to the basement.” He looked at Donna, “Come with me now. I am far from finished with you.”

When Junie came out to the basement, Bob looked up from where he was tying Donna to the St. Andrew’s cross, “Junie, go make us a tray of sandwiches and a big pitcher of your good iced tea. Bring them down here. Be sure and bring a straw for Donna’s glass.”

The tray was piled high with fresh tomato and savory cream cheese sandwiches and Junie made a tall pitcher of fresh raspberry iced tea. Junie carefully negotiated the stairs and brought them down to the basement. Bob looked up and smiled as he was putting a light flogger away, “That looks perfect, Junie.” Donna was stretched tightly on the cross and her blindfold was back in place. June could see that her skin was glowing pink in many places.

Bob grabbed a half of a sandwich and took a massive bite. He saluted her, “Perfect choice as usual, Junie.” He looked over at Donna’s form on the cross, “Before you eat, I want you to feed your Mistress. She is not allowed to speak. She has not had a lot to eat today and I want her to eat a whole sandwich and to drink a whole glass of iced tea.” He grabbed a second sandwich and mumbled around a mouthful of food, “Go ahead and get started. I will be back soon.” and headed out the back door.

Junie basked in his praise, thrilled to feel included and valued. “Oh yes, Sir, thank you, Sir.” Junie carefully held a sandwich to Donna’s lips and whispered, “Bite,” and watched in tender fascination as the perfect white teeth sank into the whole wheat bread and then chewed and swallowed. Junie stared at the subtle movements of Donna’s throat muscles as she sucked at the straw, drinking down the glass of tea. She found she was opening her own lips when she held the sandwich to Donna’s mouth, sharing the gentle intimate moment of totally caring for her Mistress.

When the sandwich and tea were gone, Junie could not resist leaning close and softly kissing away a tiny smear of cream cheese.

Junie quickly ate her sandwich and set the tray to one side. She did not have long to wait when Bob returned. He was carrying a long wide piece of wood, about two feet wide and six feet long, “Help me with this, girl. I expect you to be both assistant and victim tonight,” He arched a brow and laughed, “double duty for you tonight, girl.” Junie giggled in delight.

After the big board was carried in, Bob looked at Junie and winked, “You are way overdressed, girl. Go strip and put a clean tampon thingy up your cunt. You are going to be pretty busy for a while and I don’t want to be interrupted.”

Junie was back in just a few short minutes, self-consciously tucking up the telltale string up out of sight. Donna was standing in the middle of the room, untied but still blindfolded. Bob beckoned Junie over to stand close to Donna and slipped a blindfold over her eyes as well.

Bob pressed a bottle into Junie’s hands, “I want you two to spread this lotion onto each other. Don’t miss a square inch of skin, which means cunts and asses as well. Rub it in good.”

Junie groped out and, finding Donna with her hands, she poured some of the lotion into Donna’s hand. And then she carefully poured some into her own hand. It was a little clumsy but very sensual, exploring her Mistress’s body with her hands, massaging in the tingling menthol and mint scented cream into her Donna’s skin. Running her hands the length of her Mistress’s body, feeling the contrast of the coolness of the lotion and the warmth of the skin and hands touching her, soon Junie found herself pressing the length of her body against Donna, sighing and murmuring as her body reasserted its demands. It had been so long.

Junie was so focused on the sensations of the tingling lotion, the touch of the body under her hands, and the hands touching her, the strong familiar scent of eucalyptus and mint filling her nostrils that the sound of Bob’s voice was almost alien. “Okay, that’s good. I want you both to take off your blindfolds and look at what we are going to be doing here.”

The light in the basement seemed blinding at first. Junie blinked and looked around. The board was tipped up with a low board underneath it. Bob waved his hand at them, pointing to the board, “It seems lately Donna has been seeking balance and, Junie, you have been tugging at her, your fears repeatedly pulling her off kilter. Now I want you to learn to work together to find balance, literally. This is a teeter board. We will find where to put the fulcrum to best match your different weights, but it will be up to you both to learn how to work together to find your equilibrium. You will need to perfect this skill; you will be using it a lot in the future.”

Bob guided Donna to stand on one end and then held Junie’s hand as she stepped onto the other side, levering Donna’s end up, lifting her Mistress up. Bob had them step off and then tried again. It took several tries before he was satisfied and made a mark on the board. “Okay, hold each other’s hands and try to balance, and for now, no talking for you too, Junie. Do this looking into each other’s eyes. Help each other. I expect that this will be hard at first. But I won’t accept failure. You will work on this until you succeed.”

Junie gripped Donna’s hands and looked deep into her eyes, smiling in eager excitement as they struggled to balance. It was a crazy series of disasters, falling off the board over and over, it seemed like there was no way that they would ever figure this out. At first both Junie and Donna had to contend with storms of silly giggles, but soon the giddy mood faded to frustration and then a grim refusal to be defeated. Junie’s legs were trembling with fatigue from straining so hard to control the uncontrollable. She was sure that if they had been allowed to speak that Donna would have been yelling at her for her horrible clumsiness.

It was only when Junie had let it defeat her, when she had given up on trying and just surrendered to failure that magically she felt herself floating in the air, weightless and airy, seeing joy and pride gleaming in her Mistress’s tired eyes. They only held it for a few seconds, but now she knew it was possible. The next time was longer. Bob did not let them stop until they could hold it for five minutes straight.

It was quite late and Donna was swaying in exhaustion, her eyes heavy and dull. Junie looked from her to Bob uncertainly, wanting to say something, worried that Donna had little left to give. Bob looked closely at both of them, his head tipping to one side, his face thoughtful. His voice was soft, “My goddess, you are so close. If I push you further tonight I do not know if you will succeed or shatter into pieces.” He looked at Junie, “Sweet girl, it has been long since you have felt your passion. Your emotions have had you all tied in knots.” He walked around them, his hands reaching out, touching with little caresses, measuring and assessing. “I will not put you at risk, my goddess. We will continue this tomorrow. I will not accept anything less than triumph and I want you awake when you realize it. Come to bed both of you.”

Junie came from the bathroom, running her tongue over her freshly brushed teeth, a fresh clean tampon in place. Bob pulled her into his arms, urging her into the middle of the bed between him and Donna, his hands stroking and exploring. “So, how are you doing, little one? Do you still hate it?”

Junie sighed and snuggled close, “It felt really different. Having you tell me what to do, feeling included, feeling like I had something important you needed me to do, was good. I felt needed. Maybe that was what I was afraid of losing. Donna needed you and it felt like she did not need me.”

Donna lifted her head and gave Junie a reproving look and made a protesting grunt. Junie lowered her head, “I am sorry, I am not saying it was rational. That was part of the problem. I would get that feeling and I would tell myself I was being ridiculous, but it just kept getting worse instead of better. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the trip, maybe it was hormones, all I knew was I was feeling more and more upset and I was afraid to talk to Bob about it because it all felt so stupid, selfish and crazy. I just kept telling myself to suck it up and keep busy.” Junie turned to Donna, “I liked being able to help tonight. I felt like finally I could understand what you were wanting and that I could be there with you while it was happening. I loved feeding you the sandwich. I don’t know if I have ever felt closer to you than at that moment.”

Bob moved to spoon her from behind, “You and your Mistress have a definite spiritual connection. I should have realized you would not let go of her so easily after being so dependent upon her during your trip.” His lips were warm and insistent on the back of her neck. Junie could feel his cock hot and erect, nestling in the crack of her ass, sighing she pressed back against him and provocatively squeezed her cheeks together. She took a deep shuddering breath.

Donna’s voice was throaty, “You have been so patient, my little one, your need is written on your face.” She gently kissed Junie’s forehead and murmured, “Give yourself over into our hands, little one. Turn off your busy brain and let us soothe your torment, just remember we love you.” Her lips traced down Junie’s face and then took her mouth.

Junie lay on her side, running her hands across Donna’s skin, kissing her endlessly. Junie let her fingers trail down and find the soft wet heat of Donna’s cleft, teasing and stroking. She let her eyes drift shut, turning her awareness inward, letting the growing excitement lift her up, spinning and rocking weightless and boundless.

Bob held her close from behind, his hand reaching around cupping her breasts, pulling and twisting at one nipple and then the other. Junie let out soft unrestrained moans of joy and ground her hips back against his cock. When his fingers found their way to her ass, slippery with lubricant, pressing in and exploring, mindless Junie cried out softly, “Oh yes, I like that. That’s good!”

Bob laughed and spoke against the back of your neck, “So open, so eager. I love that about you.” Gripping her hip he slid deep into her depths. Junie groaned as she felt herself filled up. It all seemed to move in slow motion, the movements and sounds soft and subtle, the excitement building in tiny increments. Junie was very aware of how full she felt, all her tissues felt heavy and turgid, and her body slowly undulated and surged between her lovers. Donna’s lips moved down to her nipples and soon Junie could feel her fingers dancing and teasing at her folds. Soft eager cries seemed to pour endlessly from Junie’s lips, with each gasp of pleasure.

Bob’s voice was tense in her ear, “Let it build, Junie, hold it all inside. Soon you will find release, but savor this.” It seemed that each of his words was matched by pulses of heat and light filling her. Her hips were rotating and lunging back at him, her body craving more, demanding more.

Junie began to mutter and groan, “Yes, fuck me, fuck, fuck, fuck me.” Her voice was hoarse and urgent.

Donna’s body was tense, grinding and fucking itself on Junie’s fingers, her lips fervent on Junie’s breasts, soft rhythmic grunts rising from deep in her chest. Bob began to pull out almost to the tip and lunge deep, slow irresistible plunges to her depths. Junie was stammering and whimpering, fighting the orgasm that pushed at her, demanding her surrender. “No, hold it… build it… wait… oh god please wait…”

When Bob’s voice rumbled in her ear, “Let it go now, Junie, give it to me.” It was like she turned inside out. Long waves of heat and pleasure exploded and surged within her and it seemed to go on and on. Junie was only dimly aware of her own cries, muffled by her Mistress’s mouth pressed to hers, and then she was spiraling up and up, her spirit flying away.

Junie woke to the soothing sensation of being bathed. Her eyelids fluttered and opened, gazing groggily at Donna’s gentle smiling face. A wave of nervous embarrassment shook her when she felt her Mistress tugging the tampon out and began to protest, “No, don’t, I can do that.”

“Hush, little one, let me take care of you.” Junie was too tired to resist. Even when she became aware of her Master’s curious face watching closely, she passively let her Mistress insert a clean tampon and then rolled over and obediently went to sleep.

Serial Saturday: Northwest Hunters: Book Three: Chapter Four

2011-09-25T07:57:00.000-07:00

Northwest Hunters: The End of Evil

Chapter Four: Adjustments to Being Home

Junie peered excitedly out the window, her eyes drinking in the familiar sight of her home. The trip to Portland had taken less than four days, but it had seemed like forever. Her heart jumped when she saw her Master walking out to meet them as they pulled the SUV into the garage.

Bob pulled open the driver’s door and gathered Donna into his arms; he held her tight and rocked back and forth. His eyes found Junie’s and he smiled over Donna’s head and beckoned for her to come out of the car. “Come here, girl, I missed you too.”

Oblivious to the fact that she was nude from the waist down, Junie jumped out of the car and skipped around the car and slipped inside his embrace. She giggled as she felt his hand sliding across her bare ass cheeks. Bob’s voice rumbled deep in her ears, “You seem to be missing something, my sweet Junie.”

“I am just following my Mistress’s instructions.”

“Have you been a good girl for your Mistress?”

“I did my best, but some of it was really hard.”

Donna interrupted, “She did do her best. And now I want to give her back to you.”

Junie turned in Bob’s arms, her face only inches from Donna’s, her voice was stricken, “Ma’am, I don’t understand. Don’t you want to be my Mistress anymore?”

Donna smiled and spoke softly, “Oh, my sweet little Junie, I promise to always be your Mistress, but I feel the need to somehow find shelter in our Master’s arms.”

Bob gave them a squeeze, “Come, now is not the time. We will explore this further later.” He gave Junie a sharp smack on her naked bottom. “Get your pants on, girl, and help unload this car.”

Junie was busy unloading the car and then unpacking their suitcases for a while, but she was very aware that Bob and Donna were deep in conversation on the front deck. Repeatedly she found excuses for her chores to bring her through the front room where she could pause briefly and look out at them. Bob sat and held Donna close, listening as Donna talked and talked. At one point Junie gasped in concern when she saw that her Mistress’s face was wet with tears.

Junie’s mind was a swirl of questions and nervous worry when she heard Bob’s voice calling her to come out onto the front deck. Donna was standing up, her eyes were red and swollen from crying, but her face and voice were calm, “Junie, as you are well aware, your Master and I have been talking.”

Junie nodded uncertainly. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Good girl, I want you to help me with something. I want to formally return you to your Master. I feel the need of ritual, so please take off your clothing and kneel.”

Junie quickly began to undress and was a little startled when she saw Donna doing the same thing. When she was nude she quickly knelt and Donna knelt down beside her. Donna took her hand and gripped it softly, “Master, I bring you back our girl. She performed all her duties to the best of her abilities and repeatedly exceeded my expectations while she was in my care. You have every reason to be proud and reward her. But I found the task of being her Mistress without your guidance to be at odds to my happiness. It is one thing to play at being a Mistress under your careful control, but it was too much for me to do this far from you. I languished without the shelter of your strength and love. I beg you to take this away from me. I beg you to take Junie back and I also beg you to take me back as well so that we may both find joy as your slaves and your servants.”

Junie could not look away from Donna’s face as she was speaking. Instinctively she did not speak, but a wave of protest was rising up in her. There was a growing feeling that somehow she had failed Donna, that if somehow she had done better then Donna would not be saying these words. Her mouth opened and then shut.

Bob’s words were gentle and loving. “My goddess, I joyfully accept you as my slave and my servant and I welcome back my girl back into the shelter of my love.” He reached down and lifted both of them to their feet. “For now, my sweet girls, I want you both to remain naked as a symbol of your servitude. Junie, I want you to go make dinner. I missed your cooking. Donna, I want you to spend some time alone and think about what you would ask of me to help you find your balance once more.”

As Junie was making dinner, Bob sat at the table. “Donna told me all about your trip. You did a good job. She is confident you will do a good job when it is time for you to testify. So, little one, what do you wish as a reward for trying so hard?”

Junie looked at him in confusion. “Um… I don’t know. Master, what is happening?”

Bob smiled gently, “You sense the sadness and imbalance in Donna’s spirit.”

“I’m sorry. I tried really hard. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Bob paused and looked confused for a few minutes. Then he asked, “Junie, are you thinking that this has something to do with you?”

“Doesn’t it? She said she was unhappy being my Mistress.”

“Only because she could not find balance, without me there to help keep her equilibrium between us she began to feel unstable. It was like being on the high wire without a net. She began to fear falling. It was not you, Junie. It was her role.” Bob stood and walked into the kitchen and put his hands on Junie’s shoulders, turning her to face him. “Do you remember me telling you not so long ago that Donna must find her place balancing between us?”

“Yes, Master.”

“This trip to Oregon with you in much deeper submission to her has thrown her off balance. The more she controlled you, the less in control she began to feel. As her dominant side grew stronger to meet your needs, the more she lost touch with her submission to me. She found herself out of harmony. She began to feel afraid and that let her become more vulnerable to the negative emotions of hate and rage. You know all too well the sense of safety and peace that comes from your submission. Donna misses those feelings. The more she dominated you the more she wanted to be in your place. I expect her to ask for that from me when she returns from her time alone.”

Junie struggled to listen to Bobs words. She tried to understand Donna’s need, but she could not free herself from the feeling that somehow she was losing something, that she was being abandoned. Her thoughts were in chaos and questions.

“I don’t know what to do. Will she still be my Mistress?” Finally she let her fears come to voice, “I don’t want to lose her.”

Bob gave her a little shake. “Again, Junie, I will say, this is not about you. It is about what Donna needs. She will continue to be your Mistress, but she will be exploring her own submission. You will not lose her, but she may not be your source of strength and refuge for a period of time. You will need to rely on me for that.”

Junie leaned against his chest, “Master, if it was not me, why do I feel so guilty and frightened?”

“Those are answers you need to find inside yourself. But as you seek those answers I will give you another question. What is it you are really afraid of losing?”

Junie stiffened at his words and the sound of the front door opening. For some reason she could not lift her face from her Master’s chest, she sensed a deep reluctance to look upon her Mistress’s face. Not only was she afraid of what she might see there, but, to her horror, she felt an inexplicable wave of resentment. Pulling herself out of his arms, Junie stammered, “I… um… have to check the laundry,” and fled downstairs.

Junie stood looking at herself in the mirror in her bathroom, out loud she asked herself, “What is it you are afraid of losing?” She vigorously washed her face and combed her hair. Looking sternly at the face in the mirror she gave herself an order, “Junie, you have duties. You have a Master and a Mistress that are waiting for their dinner. Suck it up and get your lazy ass in gear, girl.”

Forcing her face into a calm expression she marched herself up the stairs. Donna was sitting still and silent on the floor at Bob’s feet as he sat at the table. He was speaking softly, “…only for as long as it is good for our circle.” He looked up and nodded to Junie, “How much longer until our dinner is ready?”

“Not long, maybe twenty minutes.”

“Good, while you are cooking you will listen without speaking. Like I expected, Donna has requested to experience her submission more profoundly. I have agreed to do this on a time-limited basis, only so long as it does not disrupt our circle. For now she will speak only with me. Your duties will be to continue with your obedience and devotion to both of us, but you will only communicate with me.”

Again Junie felt a rush of grief and anger. Pressing her lips together, she nodded. Her voice was brisk, “Yes, Master.” She busied herself putting the few finishing touches on their dinner, careful to keep her face averted as much as possible. Junie knew that her feelings were clear in her eyes, but the more she tried to control them, the more they seemed to bubble and seethe in her heart.

When Junie began to set the table, Bob casually reached for Donna’s plate and moved it from its usual place to the floor, putting it down next to the silent still form of Donna as she huddled at his feet. Again a pang of resentment shot through Junie, she stood uncertainly with the silverware in her hands, and then very carefully put Donna’s down at her usual place at the table. If Bob wanted Donna to eat with a knife and fork he could give them to her himself.

Junie finished setting the table and sat down. She looked uncertainly at Bob. Always before dinner had been a time where conversation flowed easily, table manners were informal, everyone serving themselves. The only formal acknowledgement of their relationship was their careful attention to Bob’s comfort. It was unspoken, but both she and Donna made sure he was served first and they always waited until he was eating before they took their first bite. Now Donna’s place seemed conspicuously empty and Junie suddenly felt adrift.

It suddenly occurred to Junie how much of her day to day actions were dictated by Donna. It had become an almost unconscious, wordless connection. A thousand times a day, she would find herself looking up and reading her Mistress’s face for guidance, for approval, or just for the reassurance of knowing she was there to turn to. Now her Mistress was beyond reach.

Bob spoke up in an easy tone, “So, Junie, tell me about Monica. What is she like? How did that go?” He dished up his plate, and began to carefully cut up all the food into bite sized pieces.

Junie watched him cutting the food on his plate and spoke in a distracted tone, “Um… she is little. She is not very tall and really thin. She seems like she spends a lot of her time being sad. She was a little uncomfortable at first, but she fell in love with Happy at first sight.” Her tone began to warm with the memory. “When she smiles she really is a pretty girl.”

Bob picked up his plate and, leaning over, scraped the food off onto Donna’s plate, and then served himself again. “Donna mentioned that she was satisfied that Happy was going to be well taken care of. So how are you feeling about your trip to the courthouse?”

Junie reached for the serving dish of stuffed peppers and began to serve herself. She spoke in a soft monotone, carefully skirting the topic of feelings, “It’s a courthouse, the rooms are smaller and more modern than I expected. I guess I watched too much Perry Mason reruns as I was growing up. But it pretty much looks like I expected. The assistant prosecuting attorney, Lurleena Benson, was nice. The main prosecuting attorney seems kind of in a hurry, but I expect he is pretty busy. Agent Durant was there.”

She tried to keep her eyes on her own plate and her Master. Junie could not see Donna from where she was sitting, but was very aware that she was there hidden by the edge of the table and her Master’s legs. The silverware was still sitting unused at Donna’s place on the table and Junie knew she was being forced to eat with her fingers. In her mind she could see her Mistress leaning over the plate, picking up the food with her fingers. Junie cringed as she thought about the fresh tomato sauce, rich with olive oil and herbs that the stuffed peppers had baked in and the couscous side dish. Neither dish lent themselves readily to being eaten by hand.

Bob chuckled, “Ah yes, our old friend, Agent Durant. Donna mentioned that you ate lunch together. Was he nice this time?”

Junie did not feel the slightest bit like laughing, “He was really nice. He did not have to be there. He took the time to be there to help me feel more comfortable.” She picked half heartedly at her dinner. “Monica likes him a lot.”

Bob ate with gusto, “Good dinner, Junie, thank you. The food you left for me in the fridge was good, but somehow it is just better with you here.”

Junie wondered how he could act so normal when everything felt all wrong. “Thank you, I am glad to be home.” The words felt false and bitter in her mouth, nothing felt right and she wanted to scream at him for being so stupid for not seeing it. Each minute passing seemed like an hour and Junie found herself willing her Master to please eat faster so that she could at least find refuge in the routines of cleaning up after dinner.

Junie was buried so deep in her struggle to hide her growing distress that Bob’s voice made her jump, “Donna will come with me to take the dogs for a walk. You clean up in here. We will be back soon. There is a lot more than just your good cooking I missed.” His eyes boldly caressed her naked form.

Donna moved silently and kept her eyes lowered as she followed Bob out the front door. All four Golden Retrievers were on the porch waiting, eager for their nightly walk. Junie watched the group move across the lawn and into the woods. A soft gulping sob rose up in her chest and she gasped and shook herself, again admonishing herself, “Suck it up.” Turning to her duties she buried herself in the safety of cleanliness and order, making sure the kitchen was spotless, deciding what to cook for meals tomorrow and getting out the ingredients.

Once things were all in order she got out her computer and checked her emails. There was the usual short message from Tammi talking about school and another from Monica.

Dear Junie,

I can’t begin to describe how amazed and delighted I was to realize that it was you knocking on my door this Friday morning. I had been sitting on the couch trying to figure out one good reason to get dressed and there was this knocking and I looked out the window and at first I thought you had to be some solicitor or religious person looking to preach at me. When you said it was you, I was so surprised I couldn’t even think there for a minute. You could have knocked me over with a feather.

There are not words enough to say how wonderful and fantastic and stupendous and generous and kind it was for you to do this amazing thing and give me this wonderful gift of this Happy puppy. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Happy is doing great. She all the time tries to get my old dog to play. She will do that bow down thing where she puts her chest on the ground and raises her butt up and barks. He just ignores her, but I can tell he is starting to perk up a little just from having her around. Maybe a little youthful enthusiasm is just what he needed to get his blood flowing again. My mom loves, absolutely loves, her. She was a little mad at first, not about the puppy, just from me having someone over that she hadn’t preapproved. In fact, it was Happy that melted her heart. We fight over who gets to hold her sometimes. Luckily she is a sensible puppy and demands to be put down so she can run around and play too. If she didn’t, we would probably spoil her rotten.

David stopped by on Sunday to visit. He mentioned that he had lunch with you on the day before, that he saw you at the courthouse. He told me you were going to be testifying too. I guess we are not supposed to talk about it, but he did say we could still be friends and support each other. I guess that means you will be coming down here during the trial. I hope we can maybe see each other some of the time. You could see Happy and we can hold each other’s hands.

I am doing my best to be brave. David said he was going to be here during the whole trial and just knowing he will be here is the one thing that keeps me from going completely crazy with nervousness. It seems like when he is around all the terror just goes away.

Write me back and tell me how the rest of your trip went. I bet you are happy to be home.

Love,

Monica

When she read the last sentence Junie felt that same wave of emotion. It was a mind numbing mix of rage and grief and she, for the life of her, could not figure out why it felt like she was losing something. Bob had been completely accurate when he had asked her what she thought she was losing. She knew it had everything to do with Donna stepping back from her role as her Mistress, but for the life of her she could not figure out why it was so hard to deal with. She told herself that Donna was not leaving and Bob had said it was just for a while; it wasn’t like Donna was dead or anything.

Taking a deep breath Junie wrote back to Monica.

Dear Monica,

It was nice to find such a nice letter waiting for me in my mailbox. You are right, I am happy to be home.

I did not talk to you about me testifying because I wasn’t sure if it was okay to tell you that. I am really nervous about having to do that. I do not do well in public places and the idea of having to sit up in front of a group of people and answer questions makes me feel totally panicked.

Lurleena Benson is the assistant prosecuting attorney that is working with me and she has been really helpful. It was a relief to see a familiar face at the courtroom when they were letting me see what it would be like. There was a time when I think that seeing Agent Durant would have made me want to turn around and walk the other direction, but now, after seeing him through your eyes, I just wanted to throw my arms around him.

You take care and give that Happy puppy a hug and a kiss from me.

Love,

Junie

Junie sent a copy of the emails to Donna and mailed off the letter to Monica. As she pushed ‘send’, she wondered when Donna would have a chance to read them and again felt a wave of sadness.

The hardest thing was the only person she could have spoken to about these feelings was Donna. Somehow the idea of turning to her Master with this distress, this childlike sense of abandonment and loneliness, was out of the question.

Serial Saturday: Northwest Hunters: Book Three: Chapter Three

2011-09-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

Northwest Hunters: The End of Evil

Chapter 3: Practice Testimony and a Night Out

“We don’t need to be at the courthouse until later this morning. Let’s grab a breakfast in the hotel restaurant and then walk around a little. We can swing by Powell’s Books. I always have to go there when I am in Portland.” Donna laid out pair of slacks and a light yellow blouse for Junie to put on with her favorite yellow panty and peek-a-boo bra set. “I know for a fact you did not put on your rubber bands yesterday. You could probably plead that you were too busy submitting to me, that you were not allowed to do anything without permission.” She handed Junie a couple of her rubber bands.

Junie looked at the light blouse and the bra and looked askance at Donna. “Ma’am, that will… um… sort of show through.”

Donna laughed and raised a brow, “Really, Junie, do you think so?”

Junie gave her Mistress a look of embarrassment and wound the rubber bands around her nipples. Looking down at her large nipples and knowing they would soon be even bigger, she swallowed hard. She pulled on her peek-a-boo bra and then her blouse and looked nervously in the mirror. Telling herself that it did not look that obvious, she noted the time on her watch and hurried to finish dressing.

Donna looked her over and nodded, “You look nice. I like the nipple thing. I can tell they are there, but it will only be people who stare at your boobs that will notice. Here is what I want you to do. If you notice anyone staring I want you to give your tits a little shake. Go ahead do it now. Give me a little shimmy.”

Junie clenched her eyes shut and shook her shoulders back and forth, making her large breasts sway and bounce. Donna laughed delightedly. “Oh, that was good. Tell you what, if I notice anyone looking I will tell you to shimmy. We don’t want to have you miss any opportunities.”

Donna picked up her briefcase. “Grab your handbag, Junie, and anything you will need for the morning. I don’t want to worry about heading back up to our room after breakfast.”

Junie looked in alarm at her watch and begged, “But, Ma’am, I have fifteen more minutes before I can take off the rubber bands.”

“Come on, girl. You will be able to take them off in the bathroom or wherever.”

In the hotel café Donna ordered them a light breakfast of yogurt and granola with a tall carafe of fresh squeezed orange juice. Before the food arrived Junie leaned close to Donna and whispered, “Ma’am, may I please go to the ladies? I have to take off my rubber bands.”

“Do it here.”

Junie looked at Donna in shock and whispered in horror, “Here?”

“Sure, just slip your hand up inside your blouse and pull them off. You have done this often enough you could do it in the dark. Don’t look around, just do it.”

Junie could not help looking around. The café was busy, but it did not seem like anyone was looking at them. Cautiously she slipped her hand up under her top and jerked one rubber band off and stiffened for a second as the pain shot through her. Looking around a second time she saw an older man who was sitting alone looking at her with a puzzled look on his face, like he was not exactly sure what he had seen. Her eyes flashed to Donna’s face and Donna raised a brow and gave her own shoulders a little shake.

Junie lowered her eyes and stared at the breakfast and gave a little jiggle, her face felt like it was on fire. Donna spoke in a conversational voice, “Come on, girl, you can to better than that. Give him a show. He will be happy all day thinking of what he saw this morning. Go ahead. Make his day a happy one.”

Junie pressed her lips together and then forced herself to smile broadly at Donna and shimmied her shoulders, the waves of movement picked up and echoed by her breasts. Donna returned her smile and then murmured, “Our Master will be displeased if you leave that second rubber band on too long and injure your nipple.”

Junie did not look toward the man she knew was staring openly at her now as she removed the second band. Her smile turned brittle as she tried to control her expression and then she picked up her latte and took a sip. She whispered to Donna, “This is horrible.”

“Yes it is, but look at yourself. You are doing it. Do you feel sick?”

Junie paused and looked at Donna, “Oh my god. I am doing it.” She took another sip of her coffee, “And you are right. I don’t feel that sick, butterflies yes, but not like I am going to throw up.” She looked at the untouched food in front of her. “I don’t really feel like eating though.”

Donna laughed, “Well that might be just as well. We do have a lot more things to do today and I expect that the butterflies will get worse before they get better.”

Junie was distracted by all the people and cars in the city. The buildings were tall and there seemed to be little pieces of whimsy and beauty carefully placed to take the grim edge off the hardness of the downtown environment. Junie paused to look up at a mural and Donna nodded, “Yes, I like that about Portland. There is a sense of humor and a love of beauty in this city that transcends the sense of desperation that pervades most cities.”

Donna took Junie by surprise when she turned abruptly and walked into a store. As Junie walked in she froze, the smell of leather filled the store. A bewildering variety of fancy clothes hung on racks but Donna walked quickly past them and through a beaded curtain that had a sign prominently displayed over it saying ‘Adults Only’. Junie stifled a giggle when she looked through the curtain and saw that all kinds of kinky bondage gear was displayed on the walls: leather masks, whips, straps and restraints hung from the ceiling. The shelves were lined with a bewildering variety of dildos, vibrators and other sex toys.

Junie looked around nervously and hurried to stand close to Donna. Donna shot her an amused look and spoke in a conversational tone, “Have you ever been in a store like this?”

Junie mutely shook her head.

Donna picked up an elaborate vibrator in a box. Junie noticed it was one of those rabbit style vibrators that had the clitoral stimulator attachments on one side. It had a rotating head and beads that were designed to massage and stimulate the inner passage of the vagina. “You ever try one of these?”

Again Junie mutely shook her head looking around nervously. A bored young woman stood by the cash register watching them. When their eyes met the girl sighed and came out from behind the counter. Her voice was falsely bright, “Can I help you find anything?”

Junie cringed and looked around, an older man turned around from a rack of books and smirked openly as he watched while Donna responded, “How long do the batteries last in this thing?” Junie’s mind was filled with buzzing confusion and she could feel her breathing getting uneven. She found herself outside the store standing on the sidewalk with Donna’s hand firm on her arm, her Mistress’s voice penetrating through her panic, “Breathe, Junie, take a deep slow breath and hold it. Look at me.”

Junie inhaled through her nose and held her breath, nodding, staring up into Donna’s warm hazel eyes. “Good girl. Hold it… hold it… Okay, exhale really slow… now breathe deep and slow. That was too hard?”

Focusing on her breathing, Junie nodded.

“I could tell. You went from red as a beet to white as a ghost in seconds.”

Junie’s voice was quavering, “I don’t remember. Did I run away?”

Donna stroked her hair. “No, you just turned white and started to hyperventilate. I brought you out here.”

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it, girl, I was trying to push you a little. You came out of it pretty fast. Ready to go back in?”

“Do we have to?”

“You can choose to come with me clear into the back or stay in the clothing part. If you come in I will let you pick out something sexy for me to wear out tonight.”

Junie nodded reluctantly and let Donna lead her back into the store. The clothes were all pretty flashy and seemed way too young for either of them, but Junie found a soft leather bustier that laced up the back and a soft multicolored skirt with a handkerchief hemline. It was the colors that caught Junie’s eye; they looked like an impressionist watercolor, rich greens and yellows mixed with blues. The fabric was almost like transparent tissue, but there were layers and layers that seemed to move and float weightlessly. Junie held the skirt up and shook it, smiling as the colors seemed to dance and swirl.

Donna’s voice was close to her ear. “I like that. I knew you would find something pretty for me. Come on, let’s pay for these things.” Junie looked at the price tags and started to say something and Donna interrupted, “No, don’t tell me. I will freak.” She handed Junie a credit card, “You just sign and I will try not to look until we get home. If you hear any screams of anguish then, you will understand.” Donna gave Junie a reassuring glance, “Don’t worry, little one, it is not a matter of not having enough money. It is my scrooge personality. You are not the only one confronting their issues in this store.” Donna held up a bag that obviously contained several items. “I thought we would get some new toys for Bob.”

Junie giggled, “For Bob?”

“Well, I hate to spend money on myself, but if I can convince myself it is for the people I love it is not so hard. Like the hotel, I told myself it was for you and the fact that the prosecutor’s office is picking up part of the cost helps. Come on, let’s go drop this stuff off at the hotel, we need to head on down to the courthouse.”

The first time that Donna said “Shimmy,” as they walked toward the courthouse Junie looked around nervously wondering who was looking at her breasts and Donna corrected her, “Girl, I did not say look around. I said ‘shimmy’.” Junie blushed, but gave herself a little wiggle and kept walking. It was hard for Junie to focus, but it seemed every time she relaxed and was distracted by the busy movement and sights of the city Donna would command her to jiggle her breasts again.

Finally she stopped and looked around in outrage. She whispered to Donna in frustration, “Who is it? Show me!”

Donna laughed and took her arm. “It’s me, Junie. I am the one looking at your delicious breasts.”

The courthouse was much less busy and Leena met them at the security screening station. She led them to the courtroom and then led them to a room to one side. It had a big table and some comfortable chairs. “This is the room you will wait in when you are not testifying.”

“You mean I won’t be able to watch the trial?”

“No, Junie, witnesses cannot watch the trial. That would influence your testimony. In fact, once the trial commences, Judge Waldenback will instruct you to not speak of the crime with anyone other than the prosecuting team. You will have to swear to not watch news or read the paper about the progress of the trial.”

Junie looked nervously at the empty room. “I have to wait in here all by myself?”

Donna laughed, “No, Junie, you will never be all by yourself. I will be with you.”

Leena nodded, “Yes, Junie. You can have Donna wait with you if that would help. And you only have to be at the courthouse when you are scheduled to testify.”

“Will Monica wait here with me, too?”

Leena shook her head, “No, Junie, like you, Monica will only be here when she needs to testify and if you both are here at the same time, we will have you wait in separate rooms. You will find that testifying in court will end up with you waiting a lot more than you think. You should plan on bringing some things to keep you busy.”

“Will I still be able to talk to Monica, send her emails?”

Leena looked uncomfortable. “That would be highly unusual, but perhaps the judge will allow that to continue.”

Junie looked at Leena, “Will there be reporters?”

The assistant prosecuting attorney made a face, “There are always reporters. And there will be more than usual. This is a very high-profile case. Have you read about it in the news at all?”

Junie shook her head. “No, Ma’am, I don’t watch television and we don’t get the newspaper. I never even thought to look on the internet. All I know is what the police and the FBI have told me. I just want the R. P. Sanders lady to stay away from me.”

Leena looked very surprised, “R. P. Sanders has been talking to you?”

Donna interrupted; her voice was angry, “More like harassing us. She has been talking to Monica and trying to talk to Junie. She actually came onto our property and was taking pictures when one of our dogs chased her up a tree. We told her to stay off our property and just yesterday she was outside the courthouse trying to get a rise out of Junie saying things that made it seem like she had been talking to the defendant about Junie.”

Leena looked very disturbed, “Well, it’s no surprise that she has been talking to Sam Card. She is paying for his defense and is listed as a consultant to his defense team. She should know better than to try to talk to a witness that has been subpoenaed by the prosecution. Judge Waldenback and Mark Freeden will be very interested to hear of this.”

Junie wrinkled her nose, “She says she is writing a book. She has paid Monica some money and has promised to give her more after the trial is over for interviews.”

Leena shook her head, “When it comes to a high-profile case like this, everyone is writing a book.”

Donna laughed bitterly, “Maybe I should write one, too. It couldn’t be so difficult.”

Junie nodded earnestly, “You would write a good one, Ma’am.”

Leena shook her head again, “Let’s go to the courtroom. A bailiff will come get you and escort you to the stand. You will go through these doors.” Junie followed her down a hall and looked at a door marked ‘courtroom’ and walked in. It was not like she expected. It looked nothing like Perry Mason or Law and Order. It seemed smaller and more modern. There were the tables, seats and the flags; there was an elevated place for the judge to sit and a double row of modern chairs, which was where the jury would sit, and the witness box. There was a small group of men and another woman standing in a group talking.

When Leena, Junie and Donna came through the door they stopped talking and a big florid man in slacks and a polo shirt approached with his hand out. “Ms. Thomas, thank you for coming here to do this. It will be a big help to you if you know a little about what to expect.”

Leena spoke up, “Junie, this is the prosecuting attorney, Mark Freeden. During the prosecuting phase of the trial, he will be asking you how you found the knife during the trial. He will be the one that will say ‘object’ if there is something wrong about the questions the defense may ask you during cross examination and will conduct your redirect testimony.”

Junie could feel her mouth getting a little dry and she looked nervously toward Donna. She whispered nervously, “I don’t know what all that means.”

Donna leaned over and whispered into Junie’s ear, “Shimmy.”

Junie froze and squeaked in alarm, “No.”

“Then maybe you should ask these people to explain.” Donna laughed and gave her a push out into the room. “Agent Durant, I did not expect to see you here.”

Junie turned back and was surprised to experience feeling a little rush of happy excitement to see the FBI agent that was in charge of the investigation of all the murders Sam Card was suspected of committing. Now she saw him through Monica’s eyes, seeing a strong man, devoted to all their safety. Raising her hand she gave a little wave. He looked at her and started to raise his hand to wave back and then stopped himself.

Mark Freeden laughed, “I am sorry, Ms. Thomas, what didn’t you understand?”

“I guess the only thing I really did not get is ‘redirect’.”

“It’s pretty simple. You are a witness of the prosecution. You will be called to testify during the prosecution half of the trial. I will ask you questions then about how you found the knife and how you gave it to the police. Then the defense attorney will be able to ask you questions. After he is done asking you questions, I will have a chance to ask you more questions. That is redirected testimony. We will continue to go back and forth until we decide that there is nothing more to ask. Then we will let you leave. There is a good chance that one or both of us will reserve the right to question you again at a later date. Does that answer your question?”

Junie nodded, “Yes, Sir.

The big prosecuting lawyer pointed at the chair with a microphone, “You will sit up there. Go ahead and try it out.”

Junie went up and sat and looked uncertainly out at the room. Looking at the microphone she asked, “Will I be recorded?”

Mark Freeden nodded, “Recorded and videotaped.” He pointed at some cameras mounted on the ceiling. “The judge is still trying to keep television cameras out of the courtroom.”

Junie’s voice was terror stricken, “Television?” Standing up, she looked around wildly and whimpered. Finally her eyes found Donna, her voice was pleading and childlike, “We really need to go home now. Please take me home.”

Leena shot Mark Freeden a pained look and spoke up. “Junie, we don’t know that for sure.” She looked at Donna not sure what to do.

Donna’s voice was sharp. “Could you all please step out of the room for a little while so Junie and I can talk?”

A tiny sane part of Junie’s mind was mildly amused to watch both Leena and Agent Durant hustle the prosecuting attorney out of the room. Once the room was empty Donna turned to Junie, her voice was icy, “Junie, sit!”

Junie felt like her legs buckled under her before even her brain registered the command. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Now stand up.”

Junie blinked and stood back up. “Now shimmy.”

Junie looked at her Mistress in consternation and looked up at the cameras and toward the door the people had all gone out of. “Now?”

“Your ass is in so much trouble, girl. I am telling you to shimmy. Start shaking those big ass tits and don’t stop until I say for you to stop. If I hear any more disobedience from you, you will be doing it naked.”

Junie whimpered and began to shake and jiggle. Donna looked at her critically, “More enthusiasm, Junie, smile and wave at the camera! Shake it like you mean it.”

Junie was completely mystified to feel a little giggle bubble up, and then another. Somehow the thought of standing up in a courtroom shaking her breasts at some cameras was so far over the top that she could not contain the giddy feeling of silliness. Donna began to laugh along with her and began to dance around too. “Keep dancing, girl. Get it all out.”

Junie was sweating and breathing hard when Donna finally told her to stop. “Okay, that’s enough. Now go over to that door and apologize to those people and ask them to come back. Let’s get this over with. And then I will take you home.”

Junie went to the door and opened it, “I am so sorry. I think I can do this now.”

Mark Freeden looked irritated as he walked back into the courtroom, but Leena gave her a thumbs-up sign from behind his back. Junie took a deep shaky breath. “I am sorry. It’s just that I get so nervous sometimes. I don’t do well in public situations. I really appreciate you all coming down on your weekend to help me with this.”

Mark Freeden looked at his watch and shrugged, “I do have a 2:00 p.m. tee-time, so let’s get started. Go ahead and sit down, Junie, and I will go over some of the questions I will be asking you.”

They spent about an hour asking and answering questions, talking about how the people are expected to behave in court and reviewing possible things that the defense might ask. Somehow the idea that Sam Card would be sitting there watching her answer the questions did not bother Junie as much as the worry about how Monica would be able to deal with having him there. It was close to 1:00 p.m. when Mark Freeden stopped and said, “Well that’s all I have time for. We will want to meet with you again for awhile right before the trial. If you have any more questions go ahead and contact Lurleena here.”

After he walked out, Leena came up to Junie. “You did great, Junie. How did you calm yourself down so quickly?”

Junie giggled and whispered, “I danced. My Mistress made me dance.” Junie looked archly around and then gave the tiniest of shimmies.

Leena started to giggle along with her. “I would never have thought of that.”

Junie saw Agent Durant put some papers together and close his briefcase. As he stood to leave she hurried up to his side. “Agent Durant, I never had a chance to thank you for coming.” She paused and looked puzzled, he had not spoken during the whole time Mark Freeden had been going over her testimony, “Um, why did you come?”

“I had some business at the courthouse. Lurleena mentioned you were doing this and that she thought it would help if there was a familiar face.” He shrugged and looked down at his briefcase, “I really just sat here and got caught up on some travel vouchers.” He paused and then smiled, his features softening, “Monica told me about the puppy. She is on cloud nine. That was really Christian of you, ma’am.”

Junie giggled, “I don’t know about Christian, but I just knew it was the right thing to do.” Her stomach rumbled and she realized that how hungry she was. She had not eaten much breakfast and now her appetite was back with a vengeance. “Have you had lunch?” When he shook his head, she grabbed his arm. “I bet you know the best places around here to grab a good hamburger. I could kill for some French Fries and a shake.”

Donna laughed, “Sounds like Junie has lunch all planned.”

Agent Durant initially looked a little uncomfortable, but then shrugged, “There is this little place not far from here that puts a chili relenno on their burgers and they make the best onion rings in town. They don’t make milk shakes but they have some really good beer on tap.”

Donna laughed, “Sounds like someone is off the clock.”

It was a tiny little hole in the wall restaurant and they got a table in the back. Agent Durant looked up from the menu, “You ladies will have to let me pay.”

Donna smiled and nodded, “You won’t get an argument from me about that. I would never stand between a southern gentleman and his chivalry.”

Junie spent lunch working at getting Agent Durant to talk about himself. He told her that he had been close to retiring from the FBI when this case started. “I have a nice little piece of land in east Texas and I am looking forward to building a nice little house and maybe raise some horses.”

Junie looked at the ring on his left hand, “You and your wife?”

“Ma’am, my wife died about fifteen years ago, breast cancer.” His voice was neutral and his face impassive.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you have any children?”

“No, ma’am. We never had any children.”

“So you are going to just be all by yourself when you retire?”

“I am used to being alone, ma’am.”

Junie could not get her head around the idea of anyone wanting to be alone and changed the subject. “I am worried about how Monica is going to handle the trial. Leena told me that you are helping with her testimony.”

“Yes, ma’am, that was one of the things I was doing here in Portland. I was also trying to interrogate the defendant about some of the other missing women. He is still denying anything to do with that.”

Agent Durant took a long drink from his beer, “I always try to drop by and see Monica when I can; it helps cheer her up to have visitors.” His expression softened and warmed at the memory, “She was completely giddy with excitement with that puppy and your visit. I can’t remember ever seeing her smile quite like that.”

Junie’s heart leapt at his words, “That girl certainly deserves some happiness. How do you think she is going to deal with testifying?”

The corners of his mouth turned down, “Well, ma’am, I don’t think she is going to panic on the stand. She will make a good witness, but I worry about the long term impact on her mental state. Having to face him could traumatize her all over again, but that is not such a great concern for the prosecuting attorney. They only seem to care about a witness’s mental health as far as it impacts their ability to testify and their credibility.” Agent Durant drained his glass and looked down into it like he was debating ordering another, “I have to admit I have been a part of that whole system. I always put catching the bad guy way above how it may hurt the victim. I always told myself that catching the criminal was my job and it was always up to someone else to put the pieces back together.”

Donna spoke softly, “And now you have let one of those victims into your heart.”

His voice was soft and bemused, “I didn’t even see it happening until it was too late.” Agent Durant suddenly seemed to wake up and realize where he was and what he was talking about. Junie could almost see his armor come back up. “Well, ladies, I really have to get going, I have a couple of long-shot leads I need to follow up on.”

As they got to their room, Donna commented, “You surprised me when you asked Agent Durant to lunch.”

“He is not so bad. He likes Monica.”

Donna paused and looked thoughtful, “He a lot more than just likes her.” Then she shrugged and turned to Junie, “Sweet girl, I want you to go ahead and put on your rubber bands and wait here. I am going to go out for a little while. I saw a couple things in a store window I want to get. I shouldn’t be too long.”

Junie started to ask what she was going to get and Donna held up a hand, “Never you mind, girl. It’s a surprise. You will see soon enough.” Donna leaned over and kissed Junie on the nose. “You did very well today. I know how hard all this stuff is for you. But every time you found yourself pushed into a corner you listened and obeyed. You reached inside yourself and found the strength there. I am very proud of you. We are going to go out and celebrate tonight and then we are getting the hell out of town.”

Junie’s heart jumped at Donna’s words. The praise was sweet, but the promise of going home was better.

“While I am gone, hang up that new outfit; I want to wear it tonight.” Donna winked mysteriously at Junie and then left her alone in the room.

Junie wound the rubber bands around her nipples and then got the skirt out and hung it in the bathroom and turned on the shower to steam the wrinkles out. Curious about what else Donna had purchased she looked into the other bag and exclaimed, “Oh my.” On top of several other smaller boxes were two matching rabbit vibrators. The only difference between them was one was blue and the other lavender. She carefully put the bag down and got out her little black dress and hung it in the bathroom next to Donna’s new skirt.

Junie was sitting by their room window looking out at the busy street when Donna came back in. She handed Junie a bag. “Get out your corset. I want to see how these things fit with it.”

Junie peeked into the bag and gasped at the confusing jumble of shiny black taffeta and mesh. It looked almost like a ballerina’s tutu. Donna laughed at her reaction, “Girl, I said put on your corset.” Donna helped Junie into the tight yellow garment, pulling the laces tight. Next she pulled out a skirt from the bag. “They promised me that this should fit. It has an elastic waist.” Donna helped Junie step into the black crinoline petticoat and stood back. Junie looked at her image in the mirror; the skirt was very full and short, stopping a couple inches above her knees. Normally she would never have worn anything that would have added to the visual size of her hips but with the corset it looked right somehow.

Junie looked at her large exposed breasts, supported by the shelf and peered hopefully toward the bag. There was no way she could go out like this. Donna looked at the skirt and nodded, reaching into the bag she handed Junie a handful of lace and as Junie unfolded it she recognized a chemise style corset cover made of black lace. It looked a little small, but as she pulled it on she realized it was very elastic and fit over her breasts and corset like a second skin. The lace strategically got a little denser over her breasts, but still lots of skin showed through.

Donna reached into a second bag and handed Junie a pair of fishnet, thigh high stockings and a black pair of Victorian looking ankle boots with two inch heels. When Junie had the whole outfit on, she looked at the mirror. She thought she looked a little like a French Cancan Dancer and giggled. “Where are we going and will I get arrested?”

Donna stood behind her with a predatory look on her face. Her voice was low and throaty, “You look like you just stepped out of one of my fantasies, girl. I could eat you up.” Then she smiled, “We are going dancing, girl. Leena has recommended a nice girl bar that has some good food and a nice dance floor.” Looking at her watch, Donna commented, “But it is too early to go anywhere. Take off those clothes. I have an idea for round three of our little competition. I thought we would try and make things perfectly fair. I would hate to be accused of cheating again.”

As Junie carefully took off her complicated outfit she watched Donna take out both vibrators and put batteries in them. Donna stripped off her clothes and beckoned Junie over to the bed. “Okay, these things have a lot of different types of vibrations, but I think for our purposes we should just turn them all on high.” She handed Junie the vibrator and showed her how the controls worked. “Let’s lie side by side, looking at each other’s cunts so we can see that the rabbit is where it is supposed to be. Make sure this part is right up against our clits and start at the same time. The only thing we can do to each other is talk.”

Junie found herself lying on her side, staring at the blue jelly clitoral stimulator pressing snuggly against Donna’s cleft. Somehow the sight of the thing seemed to emphasize the sensations coming up from between her own legs. Donna’s voice was a mix of silly humor and determined competitor, “On your mark. Get set. Go!”

Junie grunted and stiffened; the sensation of the dildo inside her simultaneously vibrating and rotating was new and very strong. The stimulator on her cleft made all her folds vibrate and sent strong waves of pleasure through her. “Oh, Ma’am, that’s really good.”

Donna’s voice was strained, “Oh yes, I have to agree. Tell me, my little slut, how much you love to serve me. Tell me what makes you hottest.”

Junie felt her hips starting to surge, rocking in their primal rhythms, straining to meet and match the waves of pleasure pulsing through her. “Oh, that is easy, Ma’am. It is putting on that biggest strap on cock and fucking your beautiful juicy cunt. It is lunging deep into you and seeing the ecstasy in your eyes, hearing you cry out, forcing you to scream as you come for me over and over again.”

Donna made a strangled groan. “Oh fuck. This is crazy. I like to see you on your knees with your eyes pleading, your lips trembling with the need to serve me. I love the taste of your tears and the way your cries of pain and passion fill my mouth as I kiss your lips. I love to hear you beg.”

Junie was staring mesmerized at the little plastic vibrator buried deep in Donna’s folds, buzzing softly relentlessly. Her voice shook with tension, “Yes, begging on my knees looking up, I like that. I like feeling helpless, completely at your mercy, but most of all it is the love I feel for you when I give myself to you every day.”

Donna did not speak again. Junie could see the muscles of her thighs and stomach were tense and vibrating, a soft whimper of desperation squeaking out from her lips. Junie gasped out, her voice hoarse and compelling, “It is irresistible. There is nothing you can do.”

A soft sob of defeat bubbled up from Donna as she reached down and pulled the vibrator away. Junie quickly did the same and lay back and letting the trembling spasms of need slowly ebb. When she could finally think, she giggled softly. “Ma’am, I have always wondered what those things felt like. Thank you for the opportunity.”

Donna turned around on the bed and pulled Junie into her arms. “Girl, I am starting to think you really are made of steel, steel and love. Let’s take a nap and then we can go out after that.”

While they dressed, Donna kept Junie’s wine glass full. “We are going to get a taxi. No reason not to get silly.”

Junie finished getting into her skirt and made sure that the bottom edge of the corset lay smoothly over the skirt. The stretch lace of the camisole hid and yet, at the same time, revealed her flesh underneath. With the fishnet stockings and the Victorian ankle-boots Junie felt like she was dressed up more for a costume party than to go out. In the spirit of the outfit Junie really laid on the eyeliner, mascara and shadow, emphasizing her already large eyes and then painting her lips scarlet.

She turned to look at Donna and caught her breath. The leather bustier fit her smoothly and there was a soft inch or so of her golden smooth skin between it and the waist and the soft beautiful colors of the skirt. “Oh, Ma’am, that looks beautiful on you.”

“You don’t look half bad yourself, girl. Let’s get this party started,” Donna took Junie’s arm and urged her out of the room.

Junie hesitated, “Ma’am, I don’t have my hand bag.”

Donna laughed and patted hers, “We have everything we need in here, girl. Relax and enjoy the ride.”

Junie smiled and slipped her red lipstick tube between her generous breasts. “Okay, Ma’am, I guess I have everything I need.”

It was already dark when the cab dropped them off in front of a trendy looking club. Donna stopped Junie in the parking lot and, raising her eyebrows, fastened her leather collar around her neck and then attached her leash. “I don’t want any confusion as to who owns you, girl.”

Junie looked up at Donna in alarm, “Ma’am, what kind of club is this?”

“Nothing too crazy, Leena told me about it. It’s a girl bar, but once a month they have a leather night. People dress up in their best fetish gear. Leena said there is no nudity or real play allowed. That it’s mostly a costume party. Don’t worry, sweet, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. We are going to eat, drink, dance and ogle the other patrons.”

Junie giggled, “If I had known, I would have picked out something like thigh-high boots and a cat woman suit for you.”

Donna looked down at her outfit. “I like this better and this skirt will look good with my corset when you finish it.”

Junie was amused when a woman in biker’s leathers and elaborate tattoos actually carded them at the door and was relieved to see that Donna had her I.D. with her. There was a high cover charge. Inside it was a dimly lit and crowded with a large number of people who just seemed to be milling around. Most were wearing black, but here and there Junie could see the flash of skin and chains. Heavy, loud music made the air seem oppressive. A woman in a leather bikini top and mini-skirt greeted them, yelling over the music, “Good evening, ladies, can I get you a table?” No one had even looked twice at Junie’s leash as she led them to a booth. She laid their menus down and yelled again, “What would you like to drink tonight?”

Donna looked at the girl and then at Junie and yelled back, “Something good and very strong.” She looked thoughtful and yelled again, “Something with raspberries in it. Surprise us.”

The girl shrugged and wrote something down on and leaned over, “Sam will be serving you tonight. She will be back with your drinks and to take your order.”

Junie watched the crowd as they moved around the room. Little groups would form and talk and then break up. There was a surprising age range. Junie had expected to feel old and out of place, but there were all ages of women and not a few men who were out and moving around. There was a lot of leather, but only a few were blatantly fetish outfits. However, Junie did see quite a few women and a couple of the men who were wearing collars.

Most striking was the relaxed and open way the women were interacting with each other. Junie smiled softly to see open gestures of affection, hugs and kisses, the familiar caresses of long time lovers, open and easy between women. Impulsively she reached across the table and took Donna’s hand and brought it to her lips.

When their server brought their drinks, Junie curiously tasted hers. It was sour and tasted of raspberries. It was clearly very strong and she sipped it very carefully. Donna ordered a selection of appetizers and told the server to keep bringing them drinks, but to keep surprising them, “Make them good, make them strong, and I don’t care what their names are. I just want lots of variety, but no gin.” Donna slid around the table and sat close to Junie and lifted her own glass to Junie’s lips, urging her to take a swallow. “Keep drinking, girl. I want you sloppy drunk before I take you home.”

Junie leaned over and spoke into her Mistress’s ear, “It won’t take many of these drinks and you will get your wish. I am a cheap date.”

Donna frowned and then laughed, “Sweetness, let me tell you there ain’t nothing cheap about this date.”

The club continued to fill up even more. Junie and Donna sat close together and, once the appetizers came, Donna casually fed Junie bites of the different finger snacks, Junie especially liked the stuffed mushrooms, but thought the calamari was over cooked.

A slender Hispanic woman in her thirties came to their table and hollered over the music, “Do you mind if we share your table?” Junie stared shyly at the woman’s short spiked hair, elaborate tattoos, and countless piercings. Standing behind her was small plump blond girl in her twenties. “Sorry, if we are bothering you, but there aren’t any tables empty.”

Donna nodded and the two women happily climbed into the booth as Donna and Junie scooted over. The first woman held out her hand, “Thanks, I am Jamie, this is Babs. I haven’t seen you here before.”

Donna shook her hand and yelled over the music, “We’re just in town for the weekend.”

Junie looked curiously at the couple and sipped at her latest drink, this one was tall and sweet, silently grateful for the loud music that made it almost impossible to have a conversation. Already she could feel the effects of the alcohol, making her cheeks feel flushed and her thoughts slower.

Donna pushed Junie out of the booth and led her onto the dance floor. Junie stood nervously staring at Donna as she began to dance, slowly and sensually gyrating to the beat. Slowly and uncertainly, Junie began to move in time to the music. She had been dreading this. She had the random thought that the last time she had danced in public was at her wedding when she was nineteen-years-old and even then she had been nearly six months pregnant.

Donna stared at her and yelled, “Dance girl! Shake that booty!” She reached out and took Junie’s hands and began to push and pull her around the floor, forcing her to move to the music. Junie let her lead and began to relax. She was out of breath when Donna led her back to their table. Donna leaned over and pressed her lips to Junie’s, kissing her quickly and then yelled, “Girl, you need dancing lessons.”

Junie nodded and yelled back, “Yes, Ma’am, I do.”

When Junie excused herself to go to the restroom, she was surprised to see Babs following along behind. The bathroom was a lot quieter, and the little blond spoke up, “I like your outfit. The leash is so cool.”

Junie smiled nervously, “Um… thanks my… um… Donna bought it for me.”

The little blond girl grinned and asked, “Your dress or the leash?”

Junie blushed and carefully reapplied her lipstick, “Both.”

“Are you a couple?”

Junie shrugged, “Yes, I guess you could say that. We live together.”

The little blond girl moved closer and put her hand on Junie’s arm, “Do you date other girls?”

Junie froze and shook her head. She held up the leash that still dangled from the collar on her neck, “No, as you can see she keeps me on a pretty short leash.”

Babs dropped her hand and laughed. “Jamie and I just date now and then. You are lucky.”

Junie smiled, “Yes, I am lucky.” She turned and went back to their table.

There was a fresh drink next to her half finished one and Donna insistently pushed her drink toward her. “You are falling behind, sweet girl. Drink up.”

After that the evening turned into kind of a blur. Junie remembered dancing and drinking. At some point Donna ordered chocolate mousse for all four of them with a coffee drink that their server actually lit on fire when it arrived at the table. She had a clear memory of licking the smooth chocolate dessert off Donna’s fingers. At some point all four of them were dancing together on the dance floor. Her last memory was giggling as Donna tickled her in the cab on the way home.

Junie woke with a terrible taste in her mouth and it felt like her eyeballs were raw. Donna was still sleeping soundly, curled in a tiny ball. Junie looked around the room and smiled cautiously. Their clothes were strewn about like a windstorm had struck. Silently she dressed and slipped from the room and got a fresh bucket of ice and, once she was back in the room, she poured herself a tall glass of ice water. The room was cleaned up and she was sitting looking out the window at the sky sipping on her third glass of water when Donna woke up.

Twisting and stretching Donna flinched and closed her eyes against the light coming in the window. “What time is it?”

Junie pulled the curtains shut, “Almost 9:30. Would you like a glass of water? It will help.”

Donna nodded and flinched again as the movement made her head spin. “Pack up our stuff, girl. I want to go home.”

Donna had tipped the passenger seat all the way back and was lying with her eyes closed as Junie drove the SUV out of the city. Her voice was quiet, “So, girl, did you have a good time last night?”

Keeping her voice carefully soft, Junie murmured, “Yes, Ma’am, it was fun. I liked being able to feel free to be open about my love for you. It was nice to see the other women who loved each other too. That little blond girl, Babs, actually started to ask me out on a date.”

Donna laughed, “Yeah, it was pretty obvious that they were both checking us out. They were cruising looking for someone to take home. Jamie seemed very taken with you. She offered to swap for the night. That little blond was very tempting. I almost took her up on it.”

Feeling a pang of alarm, Junie looked over at Donna and was relieved to see a teasing smile. She played along, “But I would have wanted the little blond, too. You should have ditched Jamie and we three could have had some good fun.” Junie winced and added, “I still can’t figure out why you wanted to get me so drunk though.”

Donna started to laugh and then stopped herself with a groan, “Well, I wanted to cut loose a little and I didn’t want to drink alone. I can’t remember the last time I got a little crazy. And I wanted to see how you are when you are smashed.”

“And how was I?”

“You completely stopped talking and started giggling at everything. But you did loosen up on the dance floor. That and you could not keep your hands off me. You were putting on a nice show for our new friends.”

Junie blinked, “I don’t remember a hell of a lot. The last thing I remember clearly was you ordering the dessert. I remember licking your fingers and then only a few confusing images after that. I don’t remember coming back to the hotel at all.”

“Then you don’t remember losing last night?”

“Losing? Losing what?”

“Our game, I challenged you to round four and you hollered ‘uncle’ almost before we started.”

Junie looked over at Donna with an outraged look. “Oh, I get it now. It was all a plot to break through my defenses.”

“It worked. The score is even. Maybe we should leave it at that.”

Junie felt a little rush of relief. She had been planning on letting Donna win and was more than a little worried about how she was going to make that happen without getting caught. “I would like that. We are both winners then.”

“Yes, now hush for a while. I will try to sleep this off and then I will take a turn driving.” Junie was glad that Donna had her eyes closed and did not see the look of outrage at the unfairness of having to drive when she felt so miserable, too. After all, she had not really wanted to drink all those drinks.

Donna slept for almost two hours and then had Junie pull into a rest stop. After they had gotten out and stretched their legs and peed, she took over the driver’s seat. “I feel a lot better. How are you doing?”

Junie realized she was feeling a lot better, too. Her energy was still really low, but her head had stopped aching. “Not bad. A little tired is all. I can tell I really drank a lot of poison last night. It will take a while to feel good energy.” She looked over at Donna, “I really don’t like drinking that much.”

As Donna began to drive, Junie leaned back and closed her eyes, but the cool voice of her Mistress made her eyes pop back open, “No, don’t you go to sleep. We are going to practice witness questions for a while.”

Junie sighed and brought the seat back upright and took a deep breath. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Donna laughed at her resigned tone, “No rest for the weary.” For an hour Junie listened to questions and answered. Finally Donna nodded, “You are doing really good. There is not much more you need to learn about answering the questions. Now we just need figure out a plan for how to keep you in the right emotional space. There will be no way to clear the courtroom if you start to panic.”

Junie looked over at Donna, “Ma’am, you have been helping a lot. I am a lot better about my shyness than I have been in a long time. I don’t think I could have gone out to a club like we did yesterday a year ago. I think as long as I know what to expect and keep myself focused I will do okay. It is the unexpected that messes me up. I did not expect the thing about television; and I did not expect you to take me into that sex toy store.”

Donna nodded, “I wish there was some way to predict everything that is going to happen with that trial. But we will just have to do the best we can.” Looking over at Junie she grinned excitedly, “Only about an hour ‘til we get home.”

Junie smiled back, “It can’t be too soon for me. I hope our Master has big plans for us.”

Donna raised a brow and murmured, “Let’s start now. Junie, I want you to take your pants and panties off.”

Junie gulped and stammered, “All… all the way off?”

Donna’s voice chilled, “Did I say part way off or did I say off? Junie, we are off the freeway. No one will be able to see much. And your blouse is long enough to cover up almost everything.” A teasing grin crossed Donna’s face, “As long as we don’t get into any accidents or get pulled over by the cops you should be just fine. Now get those fucking clothes off this instant!” The last words were an icy lash.

Soon Junie was sitting on the seat, trying to pull her shirt down as far as possible, staring miserably down at her naked thighs. They rode like this for a while and Donna spoke with a giggle, “In my bag on the top is your new vibrator, if you get up on your knees you should just be able to reach it. There are no cars coming right now. I would recommend you hurry before one comes around the corner.”

In terror Junie looked out the car window at the deserted stretch of highway and quickly unfastened her seat belt. She scrambled up, stretched her arms out to reach the bag and began to fumble with the zipper closing the suitcase. Donna’s voice as relentless, “Hurry up, girl, we are coming to a town.”

Junie squealed in panic, grabbed the vibrator and sat quickly back down. She could feel her heart racing and a familiar wave of nausea swept over her. She looked miserably over at Donna and mumbled, “I am starting to feel sick.”

Donna’s voice was dry, “Well, get the bucket ready then.” Then she softened and patted Junie’s thigh, “You are doing good. Take a deep breath, remember to breathe, and if it would make you feel better, you can use your pants to cover your lap.”

Junie quickly spread her pants across her legs, looking gratefully at Donna, “Thank you, Ma’am.”

Donna nodded, “You know that is the first time you warned me ahead of time. You are learning to recognize when it is starting.”

“I never used to throw up so much.”

“Yes, you just never tried. If it got hard you ran away and never went there again, correct?”

“And now I can’t run away. You are making me face my monsters.” Junie giggled, “Oh god, that made me think of a nature program I saw once. There were these birds that would vomit on their predators as a defense mechanism.”

Donna cracked up and commented, “It is more likely a fight or flight thing, but I must admit that being vomited on would make me back off. Okay, girl, take that fancy new vibrator and start teasing yourself. I want you to take yourself right up to the edge and then stop.”

Junie eased her hips to the edge of the seat and carefully, keeping her slacks over her hands and lap, began to touch the vibrator to her folds. She looked at Donna and whispered, “It is hard to relax. I feel all exposed.”

“Don’t worry about being in a hurry. Just put it in and turn it on, let it do the work. Don’t even think about it. Lay the seat back, close your eyes, and tell me a sexy story. Tell me your fantasy.”

Junie’s voice was soft and distracted, “I am always alone and I know it’s just a matter of time before they catch me. I can hear them hunting for me. There are a lot of them and they are loud, shouting and laughing. You can hear the confidence in their voices. They know it is just a matter of time as well. It is a game for them, one they are used to winning.” She paused and licked her lips, swallowing.

Donna prompted, “Who is after you?” Her voice was a barely audible push to keep talking.

“I don’t know exactly who they are. Men, they are all men, big men, strong, cruel, and they are insatiable. I know they are going to catch me and when they do they will take what they want. They will use me. I know it is my fate and yet I run and hide. I am in an agony of terror.”

“They are going to rape you?”

“I don’t know exactly how or why, but I am caught. I fight with all my strength, but it is useless. They are so strong and violent. There are too many of them and they overpower me. They tear my clothes off.” Junie made a soft moan and squirmed on the car seat.

“Tell me what they do to you.”

Junie’s voice was soft and breathless, “Oh god, um… their hands are strong, they grip my arms and legs really strong, squeezing tight and pulling hard, they stretch me out on the ground. They spread my legs so wide it feels like my hips are breaking. And I never stop fighting. I squirm and scream. I beg them to stop and let me go.”

Donna smiled as she drove, “Say the words, Junie. Say the words you would use out loud.”

Junie whimpered and gasped, “No… don’t… please stop… I can’t… Don’t hurt me… Let me go… Help… Somebody help me…” Junie gave a strangled gasp and reached down and turned off the vibrator. “Oh, Ma’am, that’s crazy, I almost came.”

Donna’s voice was deep and vibrant, “Leave if off for a while. I will tell you when to turn it back on. But don’t stop telling the story, Junie. You have me all interested. Do they listen to you? Do they stop? Is there anyone that will come to your rescue?”

“No, they don’t listen. They laugh and mock me. They say the words back at me, laughing at my terror and tears. I scream as the first one climbs onto me and forces his cock into me, it feels really huge and hurts as it goes in. They all laugh, calling me a whore and a slut. Their hands are all over me grabbing, squeezing and pinching. The one raping me humps me hard, his thrusts are violent and endless, he grunts as he slams his cock into me. He does not come inside me, he pulls out and it squirts across my belly and breasts. I can feel it hot and slimy on my skin.”

“Is that all of it? Or is there more?”

Junie giggled a soft embarrassed giggle, “Oh no, Ma’am, there is more, a lot more.”

“Then keep talking. This is a great way to make the ride go by, much better than the radio. How is that pussy of yours? Are you ready to tease it some more?”

Junie squirmed and took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can last very long, but I could try.” She reached down and turned on the vibrations and started telling the story again. “There are so many of them. They all want me. One after another they rape me. I never surrender. Even when I cannot speak any more, I lay there sobbing. After a while they get tired of using my cunt. One of them makes some crude comment that my cunt is all sloppy and fucked out. He tells them to turn me over and I realize they are going to take my ass. I beg and plead for him to not do that and he laughs and says if I do a good enough job sucking him he might just leave my ass alone.”

“So you start to cooperate?”

“Oh yes, anything to keep him from raping my ass. I am so terrified that it will hurt terribly. He stands and they let me go. I crawl over and he grabs my hair and says if I bite him he will knock all my teeth out personally. Then, as he pushes his cock into my mouth, he laughs and says to the others that he will probably end up knocking my teeth out anyway. He says he likes his whores toothless because they give better head that way.”

Donna grunted, “My goodness, girl, your fantasy men are scary-ass mother fuckers.”

Junie giggled and nodded, “I had the scariest fantasies. I haven’t really thought about them much lately. The reality is so much better lately.”

“Keep telling me the story.”

Junie twisted in the seat. “Can I turn the vibrations down to low?”

“If that would help.”

Junie adjusted the controls and continued. “I suck him. I try to do a good job, but he is impatient and grabs my hair and starts to fuck my face, raping my throat. I try to cooperate and keep from hurting him with my teeth, but he is rough and fast. I can’t keep my teeth from scraping him. He pulls out and slaps me hard, knocking me to the ground. He curses me again, calling me a careless slut. He tells them to pick me up and bend me over… um… something. I guess maybe a log… something that will hold my ass up and my head down. Again I am screaming and fighting. He tells me to shut up, that he is going to fuck my ass and I better get used to it because he is going to be doing it a lot.”

Junie’s voice strangled and broke. She clenched her teeth and pulled the vibrator out. “Damn, that was close. It always gets to me when I think about him saying that. The whole idea of being bent over and told that I am going to get my ass raped is so fucking hot to me.”

Donna laughed, “I am going to have you tell me all my bedtime stories from now on. Keep talking, girl. You have me on the edge of my seat.”

“He is rough, taking me hard and fast. It’s funny how in my fantasy it always hurts, like it did when Greg did it. It feels like I am being torn apart and I scream and scream, and when he is done another one takes his place. It is endless. Finally they leave me huddled on the ground, numb and beyond tears. They put an iron collar around my neck and chain me to a post in the center of their compound.”

“You never come in your fantasy.”

Junie giggled, “But I come over and over while I think about it. They keep me there and use me whenever they feel like it. If I fight them, they beat me. They will only feed me if I cooperate. Eventually I break. I start to want them and I start wanting the abuse. I start to come when they fuck me. They find that vastly amusing.”

“Well it is a good story and I want to hear all of it, but we are almost home so it will have to wait. Maybe I should have you write it down.”

Junie sat her seat up and looked happily at the familiar trees. “You are right about this making the trip go by faster.” When they came out of the trees she could not help but murmur, “Oh, it’s so good to come home.”

Freud is not your friend...

2011-09-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

"Yes Master, is there anything you can do for me?"

...
...
...

...the words hung in the air for a moment before I actually heard what I had said. It had been days, even weeks since he had casually kicked my chair in that way... he had to kick it twice before it sank in that it wasn't just an accidental bump. He.. HE was kicking my chair and I was expected to say it... the litany... the exact words without variation... "Yes Master, is there anything I can do for you?"

But that is not what I said. It was not intentional. It was Freud... and the days, even weeks of few if any expectations... it was the princess talking. She has really started to take over my mind.

By the time I got done laughing at the expression on his face, confused... not sure if he heard me right... shocked... outraged... finally struggling to stay serious in the face of my hysterical giggles... he tried to take control...

"It has been too long... far too long..." A vague threat that he could make me regret the slip if he chose... if he chose... but the princess knows better than to get her hopes up.

Punishment???

2011-09-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

“Is this a reward or a punishment?” My voice may have been muffled, shoved forcefully into the bedspread...

Sometimes it is so hard to tell… the punishments are so rewarding… the rewards can be so punishing.

Like last week after a too long dry spell… wayyyy toooo lonnggggg… not all Master’s fault, even though he is the one in charge of initiating sex… I had been on a trip to Alaska… ten days of old folks and killing fish… but when I got back there did not seem to be any hurry to get me horizontal or even bent over in the shower. So anyway back to the original story… after a wayyy too long dry spell, when he proceeded to fall back on old successful sexual strategies… old and boring and uninspired sexual strategies… I had this huge tantrum. No feigned enthusiasm… just narrow eyed glares willing him to hurry up and get this over with… and when he questioned me I blew up… BORING!!!! IF I GET ANY MORE BORED WITH FUCKING I THINK I AM GOING TO GOUGE MY EYES OUT!!!!!!! My punishment was new sex… mean, angry sex… harsh face fucking and lots of nasty talk… topped off with a healthy dose of up the butt… now was that a punishment or a reward… I ask you??? Any more punishments like that and I am going to turn into a stark raving bitch.

And today, after letting the kitchen go all to hell for two days, (visualize sinks over flowing with dishes and you name it)… I did a top to bottom clean while he was outside painting some trim on the house. I was in the bedroom sorting out some laundry when he tiptoed in and grabbed my hair and lifted me up and threw me down on the bed and beat the crap out of me. It was only afterward, when he murmured a warm “good girl” that I knew it was a reward.

Arghhhh Farking Blogger

2011-09-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

Blogger does this to me on a semi annual basis... it won't let me in. All I get is this black screen... I have learned from experience that it is failing to load the "adult content" warning page correctly. (and I know it is not blogger... it is my computer... and some nasty little virus... but I haven't been looking at nasty porn... I swear... it must be farmville... yes it is all that fertilizer...)

Through trial and error, through google I can get into my dashboard and into settings and turn off this helpful little warning... but I don't much like having to do that. People should be able to make a choice about what they want to see before they read it...

In the past I have been able to delete recent caches and cookies and things get back to normal, but now that strategy is not working..

So reader beware...

Edit...... Oh... Sweet... it won't let me look at anybody elses blog either... arrrrrggghhhhhhh!!!!! .Okay... on further examination... I CAN see the background image... for me it is black... thank you to those that had the foresight to choose something prettier.. I can see other blogs from other blog services... it is just blogger... grrr...

Second Edit.... Oh it wasn't me... it was them... because it IS working now. Grrrrrrrr.

Cruising

2011-09-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

Strange that lately, while things seem to cruise on much the same… we still do fun things… still have our little struggles and little things learned… that I do not feel the same compulsion to share these things with the world. I start to write them down and I look at them and shrug. I used to feel all alone and had this desperate need to tell someone, anyone about this thing that is my life. But now it feels all normal and comfortable and even dull.

I look at it… lately, I have not been such a good girl… not subservient, not all that service oriented… I have been forgetting to do little required niceties like adjusting the seat of my car to fit him when we go places. I slap his hands away when he reaches for me… (like that does any good… it usually just earns me a harder, longer pinch). But then I am the girl he seems to want me to be. Silly, relaxed, playful, funny, talkative… impulsive… creative… snarky, bitchy, lazy… but I think he gets what he wants. If he wanted something different he knows he could force the issue.

There is no question he can force the issue. He knows it and I know it. He can interrupt my chatter and snark with a well timed bark of “Shut UP!!!” and I do (promptly if not gracefully). He can make me move with a quick grab and yank of hair or collar. (Though I am perfecting a pretty good wheeze when the collar pulls against my larynx… just like those little dogs do when they lean against the leash.) All he has to do is order service… Cook! Clean! Suck! Fuck! And he does, but not often… and I do it… sometimes even joyfully… sometimes.

But when it comes time to write in the blog… I find myself struggling to tease a single thread from the pattern, a vignette from the blur of experiences.

I know if I wrote more often… the stories would flow… if I wrote more often then perhaps I would not feel the need to have my words carry some kind of significance or special weight.

I do know I want to keep blogging. And I keep resolving to write more often and then a week will fly by… and then another… it will seem like hardly a day or two… and I will feel guilty and feel that if I do write now, it would need to be pithy, profound and magical… rather than a plea of “but it all seems so normal now…”.