Forever and ever since I jumped on here and thought about writing something... mostly because my life has taken on a sort of dreadful constancy... a comfortable, endless sameness that is both numbing and just mildly terrifying. 

But there is a little something happening right at this moment that I cannot talk to anyone else about... not a friend... defininately not a family member... not even a stranger.

So... here I am... brimming with salacious story... true this time...

He... the great nameless he... husband... former Master... the man in my life... decides that he wants to watch some porn on the big screen TV which means an endless flurry of hooking up computers, updating Linux, finding cords and remotes... a kind of kinky techno forplay.  And I know that he will be a long time fussing and fiddling with machines instead of me.

The soft hum and click of hard drives fills the silence... the Linux symbol hovers in the black emptiness of the monster TV.  And yet, it is somehow evocative.  Something wakens in me.  A quiet anticipation.  We don't often have sex.  Twice or three times a month.  We speak empty words about wanting more... but somehow it is forgotten and and another day or week slips by unnoticed. 

But now... unless the computer dies...

Oh... I see porn... time to say good bye... for how long... hard to know.