Not much...

The fact that I have not posted in a while has been nagging and nagging at me. But it seems like not a lot has been standing out from the chaos.

This weekend was kind of a bust... Master did not deliberately wake me when he woke up and got out of bed, but those little invisible bonds are well forged and I did my usual roll over into the warm place he left behind and stretched and snuggled it luxuriously and then slipped from the bed and did all my morning things... peed, made the bed, straightened up a little in his room and gathered my yesterday clothing and wandered up stairs. He was nowhere to be seen, in the bathroom or out smoking, but the coffee was about halfway done making.

I went to my room and got dressed and it was only about when I was pulling on my slippers that I noticed that it was 2 fucking thirty in the morning. FUCCCKKKK!!!!! Fail, total fail. I was up. My head and body said "morning"... grrrr... Master wandered in and gave me a double take. Apologized for waking me up. Then the fucker went back to sleep. I ended up taking two naps during the day and getting nothing done. I did not even make his breakfast.

No spankings beyond a swat here and there, no bondage, the weekly sex has been routine, predictable and satisfying if somewhat uninspiring. He has been fighting a cold and hasn't been very energetic.

The weather has been gray and wet and the shorter days have sapped even more of my energy.

Yesterday at work I made a stupid mistake, a big kid, autistic with severe self harm behavior patterns was violently banging his head on the floor and I moved to put my hand on him... to stop him before the skin on his forehead splits open once again and he lunged up and grabbed me and head butted me right in the face. It HURT. BAD. I am totally pissed at myself. I should not have tried to do that alone. I knew he does that sometimes. I should have been more careful. Now my nose is swollen and has a bruise right on the top. It hurts like a fucker.

Master has been sympathetic. Though he keeps telling me that I am damaged goods now. But the irritation at making a such a noob mistake and the pain have combined to make me even less ambitious.

And I have ton of stuff to do. My parents are coming to visit next week and I have long list of things to get done before they get here.

I have not been writing much. But I am almost done with a rewrite and edit of my last novel. Then I think I will go back to the "The Vanishing." I have some good ideas for where I want to go with that. If I can remember all the delicious stuff I think about as I drive to work.

So there it is... blah... uninspired... tired... sleepy... with a big sore nose. (It was big before... I hate to think how much bigger it looks now.)

Sleeping Music, I Needs It

Sleeping Music… I needs it...

Master needs the TV running in the bedroom to go to sleep. He turns it on, turns the sound down to an unintelligible murmur, sets the sleep timer for some amount of time and goes to sleep. It can’t be any type of show; they have to be what Master calls “sleeping music”… documentaries with soft spoken narrators… ideally nature shows, history… Richard Attenborough really does it for him, knocks him right out. But many times the deep dark night is a bleak time and he has to choose something else… and something he chose last night woke me right up.

I don’t need the television but I have learned to adapt to the flickering light and hum of voices. Most of the time, it does not bother me. Especially after I told Master that for some mysterious reason Star Trek can yank me wide awake from a deep sleep. But last night… something… I am not even sure if it really was the TV, woke me up at 1:30 a.m. The TV was still running and clicked off as I tried to fight to keep my eyes closed. But nothing I could do would recapture that elusive sleep. My head was “ON”… Now I am an early riser but that was not cool.

I did get some writing done… just a piece about a couple of new implements of ass destruction I bought for Master. I came up with a name for my most hated and loved things he hits me with… but I think I will put this up… and put down my computer… and hopefully find some sleeping music… I needs it.