Friday, December 24, 2010
Not just any sub.
As we were walking I told him a story about a strange TV show I had watched this week while I was sitting half brain dead recuperating from this cold. It was that "Millionaire Matchmaker" (shut up... I had already admitted to watching bad TV in an earlier post)... anyway, there was this really weird millionaire guy that once he picked a girl to date, tried to force her to eat really weird disgusting food, like fermented duck embryos still in the shell. What was remarkable was the way he was trying to humiliate and dominate her. When she refused, he actually called her a brat. And when she asked why he was doing this, he said he was "testing her".
Master commented that maybe that would be a way to test to see if a woman was submissive. I countered that even submissive women aren't going to let some jerk pull that kind of crap on them without some kind of negotiation... that most submissive women know how to negotiate what they want when they are starting out in a relationship.
Anyway we continued our shopping trip. We didn't buy anything and I still don't know why Master wanted to go out and brave the last minute shopping panic crush. Then as we were walking out, I was so intently focused on following Master's lead, that I was not looking around, just sort of merging with his step, his movement. Apparently he did not like that, and jerked my arm hard, yanking me back from the curb to protect me from traffic. I did not protest, did not say that I did not need to look out for cars because I was with him and he was the one doing that. I just kept close by his side.
Once we got into the car, he turned to me and said, "I should chew you out for looking down all the time."
I smiled and nodded. "Yes Master you are right, I was not standing up straight."
He reacted sharply. "You may be a sub, but you are not just any sub. You are my sub." Then something about not submitting to the world, that I need to stand up straight and dominate the space around me.
It was kind of strange but amazingly sweet at the same time.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
What's she writing now?
Enjoy.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tell me why...
And as long as I am questioning the universe... tell me why, why nearly every fucking morning when nature calls, when the I am at the "place", when the pressure inside builds to critical... why is it the exact same time of day that Master is sitting on the pot??? And it isn't always the morning... this bizarre syncing of bowel movements has occurred all hours of the day. Tell me why? I want to know. Is there some cosmic connection between our bowels... when his earth moves, mine must naturally follow??? Now there are two bathrooms in this house, but the other one... it is in the basement, down with cobwebs and spiders, a dim naked light bulb, the sink to wash ones hands is the utility sink. My book is not down there. And when I make that now familiar inarticulate howl of frustration at the cruelty of the universe, Master's cackle of pure unadulterated joy follows me down the stairs. It always makes his day all that much better, to know I was forced to use the sub toilet once again.
And why when I tell Master a nice long list of plans for my day, does he feel compelled to add some random thing like "dust the lamp shades" to my elegant and well crafted agenda. Meh... that is obvious, he cannot leave me without a last word from him, some imposition and inconvenience. Double meh...
Speaking of plans and agendas... I have laundry, folding of said laundry, a little bit of shopping, cookie baking, cleaning up of kitchen of said baking, writing... and now lamp shades to get started on... I should add in a nap somewhere in there. I slept like crap last night and I am still sick after all... Merry fucking Christmas.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Fiction... A Prince Among Frogs
Amanda arrived precisely twenty minutes early. She parked in the same place she always did. It was a bit of walk but it was just a little thrilling to make her way down those darkened sidewalks, thrilling to know think about where she was going, wondering how many of the cars that passed by knew. She had been coming to the munches and public play parties for about six months but it still felt dangerous, deviant. It still felt just a little intoxicating to admit that this was what she was, deviant.
It had taken years of exploration to find even the words to describe these compulsions, these dark crazy thoughts that had haunted her throughout her life. And when she had finally come to terms with it, admitted this was what she was, what she wanted… what she could not live without.
There was the usual group of smokers gathered around the door, the usual cloud of blue smoke that made her eyes water. Almost without her awareness, her eyes scanned the group, smiling a cautious greeting at one or two familiar faces. This particular munch was famous for numbers of self proclaimed dominants who were looking for fresh meat, inexperienced women who were so enamored with the idea of being submissive that they had to somehow prove it. They were too new, too green to tell the difference between the arrogant bastards and the few real men that seemed to drift through the room and leave again without really making any waves.
Amanda knew all this from her own painful experiences. She had been through it a half dozen times before she finally figured out that greatest majority of men that identified as dominants were posers that used the scene to find someone to fuck, fuck and fuck over. She had even stopped coming for a while but a couple of friends had encouraged her not to give up. They told all kinds of encouraging stories about women who had met “the one” at this same place. They had humorously pointed out that even the princess had to kiss a lot of frogs before she found her prince. Since then she had been hanging back, fending off the ones she knew were just out for a quick score, scoping out the quiet ones, the ones that sat back and watched.
She knew what she wanted. She wanted something permanent, something that went beyond just the bedroom or a play party on the weekends. More than sex, more than ropes, more than whips, more than anything else she wanted to feel the ownership of another. As she stepped through the door she scanned the room, wondering if tonight would be the night where a prince would show up among the amphibians.
“You have no idea what you are talking about.”
The voice came from behind her head and Amanda whirled around to confront the jerk who was butting into a private conversation she was having with another submissive woman, a newbie that she had been showing around, steering away from the worst of the assholes.
She instantly recognized him. He was a regular. He never missed a munch and always came alone. She fought the urge to smirk when she had the random thought that he always seemed to leave alone too. He was classic, dressed in Doc Martins and a leather vest. He seemed aggressively scruffy, rumpled and looked vaguely greasy.
He was standing too close, using the crowded room as an excuse to invade her personal space. She stood between him and his selected target and she refused to shift or back up. Her nostrils flared a bit when she caught a whiff of him, cigarettes, beer and armpits. She wondered if he thought this was an adequate substitute for testosterone. For once she was appreciative of her height, model tall and in heels she had to tip her head down just slightly to look into his eyes. She stared down at him and refused to blink.
She arched a brow and murmured just loudly enough for his ears, “You may very well think so.” And then she deliberately turned her back to him.
She could sense him back there, could almost feel the frustration he exuded with the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck. She heard a muttered, “Cock Blocking Bitch.” But she refused to let him bait her. She wasn’t too worried, the rules for behavior at the munch were very strict. Dominants could look but were not allowed to touch. If she chose she could probably have already made a scene, and the munch organizers would had him thrown out for those last words, but she didn’t feel like making the effort.
She shrugged and rolled her eyes, leaning forward and whispering into the new girl’s ear. “Like I was saying, have a good idea of what you want out of this. Take your time. Ask questions. Don’t settle. There are a lot of guys here, but they are not necessarily looking for the same kinds of stuff you are. Like this guy behind me. He is a perfect illustration of the bully, the kind of guy that thinks that interrupting, being rude; rejecting all social niceties is somehow a way to proclaim that he is dominant. It is a common error, confusing nonconformity with dominance. But remember, any guy that so aggressively rejects little rules like showering or introducing himself, will be very likely to ignore other basic rules, like safety, condoms and safe words. Don’t think that because you identify as submissive that you have to let anyone be rude to you.” Amanda paused and grinned, “Unless, of course, you are into that kind of thing and have negotiated that in advance.”
The new woman paused and then laughed out loud.
Amanda made her rounds, pausing and greeting the people she knew. There weren’t any new other new people there. The munch thinned out a little earlier than usual. It was close to the holidays and people were having a lot of private parties. Most likely, everyone was a little partied out and just wanted to get home and sleep.
There was that one guy that came in every week, bought the one beer on tap, sat alone and drank it, his dark eyes alert and scanning the room. He always came in at the same time, drank his beer and left. He rarely ever talked to anyone. Amanda took the time to position herself in his field of vision when she paused to readjust the top of her stockings. She knew her long legs were one of her best assets.
The bully guy was the only smoker out in front of the building when she left. He said some gruff words about having a nice night and she did not meet his eyes as she returned the exact same words and made her way toward her car.
She walked quickly, keeping her bag trapped securely under her arm. She kept an alert eye out. A woman alone, at night, in a short skirt and heels was vulnerable. There weren’t any rules out here or friends here to watch her back. She felt it, a low singing anxiety, a flutter of fear and a creeping of the skin on the back of her neck. It was clear, dry and cold, but she knew that it was the fear as much as the cold that made her nipples tighten into knots.
She could hear his steps on the sidewalk behind her, heavy and hurried. She looked over her shoulder. He still had a cigarette in his hand and she could see that he was already a little short of breath from trying to catch up to her. Amanda debated running the rest of the way to her car or just facing the bastard down on the street. She kept walking, but she fished around in her purse for her keys.
She was so absorbed in the sound of the guy behind her she did not initially see him standing there by her car. She skidded to a halt only an arm’s length away from the lonely, one beer, sit alone guy. Now there were two of them. She looked over her shoulder; the bully guy was closing fast. The one between her and her car moved toward her quickly, his hand snaking out and grabbing her by her upper arm. Amanda could not help but squeak and struggle, but almost before she could swing to strike with her free hand, to think to kick or pull away, she was shoved behind him and he was between her and the pursuing man.
Amanda did not pause to think; she unlocked her car door and was inside without even being completely aware of how she had gotten the key into the keyhole. She pushed down on the gas pedal so hard that the tires squealed as she drove away. In the rearview mirror she could see the lonely beer guy, standing over the now prostrate form of the bully, his breath a swirl of white vapor rising in the cold night air.
She arrived precisely twenty minutes early and sat for many minutes debating going in. She was determined to not let this scare her off.
The bully was not at the munch but lonely, one beer guy came in and sat at his usual place at his usual time. Their eyes met. As she smiled and moved toward him, he stood and Amanda was pleasantly surprised to realize for the first time that he was exactly the same height that she was in heels. His brow arched and his voice was low and dry. “I was pleased to see you chose to park closer tonight.” He pulled out a chair for her to sit down.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Fiction... Tell Me.
“Tell me!”
Ayva giggled and chewed nervously on her lip. She could tell from the heat of her skin that her face was five shades of red.
Dick's hand reached out across the console and tapped her on the knee. “You started this. You have to finish it.”
Ayva squirmed in her seat and looked out the passenger window. “It’s no big deal.”
“If it’s no big deal then tell me.”
Ayva knew that she had better tread carefully. If he even began to suspect that this was something she really wanted he probably would never do it. Dick had a talent for doing almost exactly the opposite of what she wanted. If she begged or complained it was a god damned guarantee she could kiss her wishes good bye.
It seemed like the more pissed she would get the happier he seemed. He would say with a huge grin, “You love it. Nothing makes you happier. Look, you say you are mad but look at your face, you never looked happier.”
It totally pissed Ayva off that he was right. She had such a kink for ass holes.
“Tell me.”
He could tell she was nervous. He was not going to let go of this as long as he had her squirming.
It had started innocently, a fun conversation, cum argument in the car on the long ride back home from the coast. She had no idea how the topic had spun around to fantasies.
God, if she told him would he do it? Or would he decide that she really did not want what she said she wanted. He had done that a thousand times before.
“Sometimes when... sometimes I like to think about...” Her voice was soft and distant, her eyes locked on the landscape as it slid by. This was probably the tenth time she had started and then stopped.
“And...”
“Spanking, I think about being spanked.”
She thought about a hell of a lot more than spanking. Hell, there was a whole fucking dungeon in her head, populated with the most inventive and sadistic of masters.
Like all her fantasies, it was long and complex. It was never Dick, sometimes it was Captain Picard, Sean Connery or maybe looking like that hot elf Elrond from the LoTR movie, yeah, that one played by Hugo Weaving. She had a picture of him on her desk top, anybody but Dick.
She would silently slip into the room and he would be there, disdainful, icily indifferent, reluctant to be disturbed. He would be busy, preoccupied, watching TV, or reading. He would look up and in an almost I'd rather not be bothered manner direct her to kneel before him.
She would know what he wanted; it was how he always made her wait. She would be wearing a long loose dress or night gown. She would kneel facing away from him and put her face on the floor, pull up the fabric of the dress to cover her head and expose her naked ass and pussy to him. She would stay like that, hidden yet exposed for what seemed an eternity waiting for his whim.
Finally she would her him, a sigh, a movement, a muttered comment under his breath. Whatever had been occupying him was finished. Perhaps he would notice her. In the same bored irritated voice he would tell her to scoot closer to him. She would creep back until he would tell her to stop.
She would kneel there, quivering in anticipation. Not of spanking, it would be something harsher, crueler and more demanding of her fear. A belt, a whip, a cane; it would be something dangerous.
She would have to beg for it. Each blow a gift. Each blow crueler that the last. She could stop any time, but there was the need to test her own limits, to take more than she thought she could.
She would reach up between her legs and stroke herself between blows, the excitement too much to ignore. She would beg, “Again please, again.” And then buck and scream as the searing agony would cut through her. Each time she would wonder if she could bear to ask again, choking down her sobs, rubbing frantically at her pussy to sooth her hysteria. And then she would beg again.
He would demur, suggest that she did not deserve this attention, but she knew that this was what he wanted and needed even more than her.
The fantasy would always end up with him grabbing her, tearing her clothing off and throwing her over the back of a piece of furniture, her ass up, her head down. He would force himself into her mouth and fuck her face, ramming his cock violently and endlessly down her throat ignoring her choking gagging protests.
Finally he would take her from behind, lunging abruptly into her pussy and humping her with an animal intensity that would shake her whole body, knocking the chair or whatever, across the room with the violence of his fucking.
Just as she was about to come he would deny her and pull away from her. Ignoring her pleas, he would force himself up her ass, as she screamed in pain and frustration, brutally slam into her. He would grab her already tortured ass cheeks and spread them cruelly apart, reveling in her howls of pain as he rutted and filled her with his come.
This fantasy was good for at least a half dozen orgasms start to finish. She was realistic enough to know that she would never really like a scene that rough. Hell the first ten minutes of kneeling would have her whining and complaining. She had never been hit with a cane, or even a belt. She would probably pussy out at the first smack. But it was fucking hot to think about.
Ayva knew if she told Dick all this he would either be horrified or make fun of her until the day she died, probably both. Even though he seemed to take pride in being a jerk, when it came down to doing what she wanted. He was a very physically gentle man. He would never be the man in her fantasy. Ayva was cool with that, but if he could maybe spank her, it would be a start.
She kept staring out the side window. “You know, like before we do it, you would spank me. I could lay across your lap or lean over in front of you.”
“Seriously? You want me to spank you?” He was getting that obnoxious little boy snide tone, and that maybe I will, most likely I won't grin on his face.
She cleared her throat nervously. “Like a game, just playing. It’s not all that big a deal. I just thought it might be fun to maybe try. We don't have to if you don't want to.” Her voice trailed off.
As she was unloading the car, carrying the bags and extra coats in from the day trip Dick struck for the first time, a sharp pop on her ass as she leaned over the car trunk. Ayva yelled and jumped, banging her head on the trunk lid. She whirled indignant, “Not like that, not when I am not expecting it. It’s for like foreplay or something.” Her voice becoming whiny.
He crowed with delight. “It’s more fun this way.” Ayva shut up, she saw the absolute joy in his face. If she told him now that she did not want him to spank her, it would be useless. This was one cat that was not going to get put back in the bag without a fight. Ayva looked at him warily, rubbing her head and her ass at the same time. Shit, how come he always could fuck things up so ingeniously.
After that things only got worse, he refused to spank her when she was cooperating, saying it wasn't fun that way. But he was always sneaking up on her and nailing her when she was not expecting it. His favorite was in socially inappropriate situations. She did not mind the grocery store so much but when he did it during a parent teacher conference she nearly lost it, and in front of her mother for god’s sake. Fucking was a nightmare. He was developing a talent for giving her a good hard smack right when she was just about to orgasm, effectively knocking the come right out of her.
For Dick it was not sex, it was one more way to keep her off balance, keep her pissed at him. He was never quite as happy as when she was sputtering angry at him. He would taunt, “You love it.” And it infuriated her that he was right. How come she loved assholes so much?
Friday, December 17, 2010
Anything You Want
Every time I would say the words...
“Anything you want,
Everything you want,
It is all yours,
Take it,
Use it.”
...I would say them to him.
It was fucking amazing. And you could tell that he liked it, liked it a lot.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Ka Ka Cookies

Cappuccino Flats
I have not made these in a while, but I think they are my favorite. I found the recipe decades ago in a cookie magazine, but I just found it on the interwebs so I cannot take any credit for this.
2 squares baking chocolate
2 cup flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup shortening
½ cup butter or margarine
½ cup sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon instant coffee
1 teaspoon water
1 egg
1 ½ cup semisweet chocolate pieces
3 tablespoon shortening
Melt chocolate and set aside to cool slightly. Mix flour, cinnamon and salt, set aside. Cream shortening, butter, sugars, instant coffee dissolved in the teaspoon of water, chocolate and egg. Mix well. Add flour mix. Chill one hour until it is not so sticky, then shape into two rolls about 7” long. (about the diameter of a fifty cent piece) Chill for six hours.
Slice rolls in to ¼ inch slices and bake at 350 degrees on ungreased cookie sheets for 10-12 minutes. Cool.
Melt chocolate chip pieces and shortening until melted. Dip ½ of each cookie and place on waxed paper until chocolate is set.

Chewy Coconut Ginger Cookies
Quick and easy to make. I updated this recipe by adding the half cup of chopped candied ginger. Son number one is of the opinion that the addition of dark chocolate chips would make them even better.
1 ¼ cups all purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup butter or margarine
½ cup packed brown sugar
½ cup white sugar
1 egg
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/3 cups flaked coconut
½ cup finely chopped candied ginger
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine flour, baking soda and salt. Set aside.
In a medium bowl, cream the butter, brown and white sugar until smooth. Beat in egg and vanilla until light and fluffy. Gradually blend in flour mixture, then mix in coconut and ginger.
Drop dough in teaspoonfuls onto an ungreased cookie sheet. Cookies should be about 3 inches apart.
Bake 8-10 minutes or until lightly toasted. Cool on wire racks.
For more awesome cookie recipes check out these other cookie bloggers.
Jz
Kelly Red
Molly and Mick
mouse
nilla
Sara
selkie (NB- recipe posted chez Jz, though!)
sephani paige
