It is sad when you become your own lurker...
I do miss you guys too... but there is so little that happens to disturb the still surface of my existence. It feels odd to tell over and over again about the same things... the same rituals... the same fuck... the same spank... the same chores... and this is not the place to brag up my grand babies... (though they are freakin' awesome).
I have pretty much dropped out of the lifestyle. I don't read Fetlife anymore. I don't even write BDSM style fiction... I have sort of stopped reading about other people's lives... it makes me want to gnaw at the bars of my cage.
I could write reams about my job... the heart break of broken children, the deep deep burn that comes from interpersonal conflict with coworkers... hateful people that will go out of their way to insult you, sabotage your work, assholes that take a difficult job and make it impossible. And you know... I love my job... or perhaps should say... loved my job. And lately... lately it is so hard to walk in those doors and face a new day and wonder what nasty thing will happen today.
And lately... lately... I feel comforable in my submission to my Master, if it is not the dramatic whips and chains kind of thing I always fantasized about... I have finally learned that my Master cannot... will not ever be the fantasy master of my dreams and if I tried to somehow control that... well... it would not be submission at all would it? So instead of whips and chains, it is knowing his wishes and accepting them... and accepting him as he is... how to fry the egg perfectly, how to make the salad exactly right, how to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up... and it works for us... works so well that I have little or nothing to complain about.
And spring is here and summer is just around the corner... and summer means facing the agony and frustration that is spending time with my parents and wondering what I can do about the inevitable day of loss or when I must step in and take away the last shreds of their independence. The upside of summer is that I do have it off... and I will have more time to serve my Master and to write... and perhaps... perhaps... blog.
In Which I Add to My Shopping List
5 hours ago