Sunday, April 15, 2012

Voluntary or Coerced?

"M'ere!"

That monosyllabic bark that can be thrown at me at any time... interrupt me... trip me up...

There are many times that I love to hear it and charge over and leap into his lap with such enthusiasm that it scares him, makes him throw up his hands and cross his legs in some instictive move to prevent injury... but so often it is when I am headed elsewhere, my hands and head filled with a 'to do' list... my focus anywhere but on him.  (And I swear he has radar for those moments.)  And today was one of those moments and, as usual, there is always this briefest moment of hesitation... where every fibre of my being wants to to tell him "NO! Damn it!!! Can't you see I am busy????"  And I know my expression said all that and more... frustration, irritation...  and of course, eventually, capitualation...

And as I reluctantly crawled into his lap I asked...

"Do you like it better when I snuggle you volunarily or because I have to?"

And he thought about it... and thought about it... and thought about it... because each holds its own particular rewards... the sweetness of affection freely given or the heady concoction of power and control... the satisfaction of being obeyed... even when it is the last thing I want to do...

He, of course and as usual, did not answer my question.

1 comment:

  1. Wise man, not to try to answer the unanswerable...

    hugs,

    aisha

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