Sunday, September 4, 2011


Strange that lately, while things seem to cruise on much the same… we still do fun things… still have our little struggles and little things learned… that I do not feel the same compulsion to share these things with the world.  I start to write them down and I look at them and shrug.  I used to feel all alone and had this desperate need to tell someone, anyone about this thing that is my life. But now it feels all normal and comfortable and even dull.

I look at it… lately, I have not been such a good girl… not subservient, not all that service oriented… I have been forgetting to do little required niceties like adjusting the seat of my car to fit him when we go places.  I slap his hands away when he reaches for me… (like that does any good… it usually just earns me a harder, longer pinch).  But then I am the girl he seems to want me to be.  Silly, relaxed, playful, funny, talkative… impulsive… creative… snarky, bitchy, lazy… but I think he gets what he wants.  If he wanted something different he knows he could force the issue. 

There is no question he can force the issue.  He knows it and I know it.  He can interrupt my chatter and snark with a well timed bark of “Shut UP!!!” and I do (promptly if not gracefully).  He can make me move with a quick grab and yank of hair or collar.  (Though I am perfecting a pretty good wheeze when the collar pulls against my larynx… just like those little dogs do when they lean against the leash.)  All he has to do is order service… Cook! Clean! Suck! Fuck!  And he does, but not often… and I do it… sometimes even joyfully… sometimes.

But when it comes time to write in the blog… I find myself struggling to tease a single thread from the pattern, a vignette from the blur of experiences. 

I know if I wrote more often… the stories would flow… if I wrote more often then perhaps I would not feel the need to have my words carry some kind of significance or special weight. 

I do know I want to keep blogging.  And I keep resolving to write more often and then a week will fly by… and then another… it will seem like hardly a day or two… and I will feel guilty and feel that if I do write now, it would need to be pithy, profound and magical… rather than a plea of “but it all seems so normal now…”. 


  1. I for one am very glad you want to continue blogging, but it shouldn't be a chore. Just do it when you feel like it, we'll be here.

    I for one am interested to know if you have pumpkins again this year...I've never had success, and your pictures from last year were gorgeous. I know, I know, terribly non-kinky of me.

  2. sorry about the two I for ones....maybe someday I'll learn to proof my comments first.Lol.

  3. Writing your book is some pretty powerful stuff. But like LM, I'm glad you want to keep blogging too.

    Write vanilla stuff, at least that's ok with me. I think it's cool that your vanilla and kink aspects have apparently become so entwined that you're not lost in angst. Just share what is.

    We just like hearing from you.

    AND no pressure either. Do it when it feels right.



  4. You know, i won't read a blog that is entirely kink because i like reading about the details of life. It creates a feeling of intimacy, in a sense.

    Then there is always the factor that what has become mundane for you may be a new concept for someone else.

    Write for you first, ofcourse.

    i always appreciate your writing, kinky and otherwise. :)