Friday, May 6, 2011

Toy Review

Sex toy review

So I tucked it into the pocket of my robe as I headed downstairs at my bedtime.  I had permission to masturbate… and was curious to see if it would enhance the experience. 

I examined the anal beads carefully.  They are black, the handle easy to grab and seems strong and reliable.  There was no way that it was going to break or slip inside and get lost… (a not so small source of concern on my part.)

I crawled into bed and got a little dab of lube… (water based… it is silicone) and applied it judiciously to that… um…  alternative pathway.  The toy is flexible.  I could not just grab the handle and shove it in.  I needed to take the beads one at a time and slip them in.  They popped in, slipping through that little circle of muscle one at a time, each bead a little bigger than the one before, one, two… and finally three.

I took my time… analyzing the sensations.  I had never used anal beads before.  None of the beads were big enough to cause any pain, their shape vaguely cone shaped, pointed on the entering side, flatter on the backside, reminiscent of the trendier, outrageously expensive stainless steel models… you know the ones all the cool slaves have.  Each entry was a gentle stretch and then almost a pop as the sphincter would snap closed.  Each entry was a tease, a hint of possibly better things.  

Once it was fully inserted, there was not a lot of sensation, no sense of being full or stretched, it rested passively and without much else.  If I squeezed my muscles I could just barely feel the neck of the thing but really could not sense the beads inside me.  I tugged experimentally on the handle.  I could definitely feel that… a pleasant pressure… and it took a surprising amount of pull to force that larger bead out… and the egress was a sudden stretch and release.  It felt good. 
The trouble was, getting the bead back in was always a bit tricky, a matter of handling the bead itself, the handle was too flexible and could not be used to insert… just to pull out.  Any fantasy of just grabbing it and thrusting it back and forth, making those pleasant pops come in rapid succession was frustratingly complex.  The beads were slick, my fingers getting increasingly slippery, the sensations compromised by the contortions of reaching down interfering with any sense of arousal or relaxation… this little game… while interesting and fun… was definitely not going anywhere.

I reached for my wanna be Hitachi and went the conventional way… but I continued to tug and worry at that handle, careful to not pull too hard until just the right minute.  And it did add a little something extra to my orgasm... key word "little". 
Downside?  Well after all that… there was the issue of clean up. 
Master has managed to instill upon me a serious bit of paranoia about hygiene and smell… a sudden flash of guilty mortification washed over me.  Here I was greasy with lube and with a sticky string of anal beads with a definite hint of ass filling my nose… I jumped from the bed for a small bout of obsessive washing… and the worst thing is the “mild soap” did nothing to remove the smell from the toy… I washed it again… still sort of funky… washed it a third, fourth, and fifth time… lavender soap… dish soap… floral shampoo… still a small hint of shit… holy mother fucker.  Master would NEVER touch this.   Master would NEVER let me even keep this redolent bit of plastic in the freakin' toybox.

So rather than enjoying any kind of afterglow... I was up, furtively scrubbing at anal beads.

I ended up soaking it for several hours in a solution of dishwasher soap and very hot water… that killed the smell… now it smells like dishwasher soap… a HUGE improvement… but still… it was not just a matter of “wash with mild soap”.  And I suspect from the way it is just not as shiny as it was yesterday that the dishwasher soap may have damaged the surface.  (I know it says “dishwasher safe” but… if you think Master would EVER allow me to put something of this nature… especially smelling like it was, in the dishwasher… you haven’t been reading my blog very long.) 

So far... I would say I am unimpressed.  A lot of work... for not a lot of return.  
Next I plan on trying it for longer term wear… like all day while I went shopping or just sitting on it to see what it would do… would it make me feel more objectified or used or slavelike to have a bit of plastic shoved up my bum for hours at a time?  Would it turn me on?  But if it came up stinky after just a quick dip into nether realm… would it ever come clean if it went for a longer visit?

We will see.  Stay tuned for more test results.


  1. I appreciate your honest review.


  2. Here's a suggestion from someone who loves all things anal (except the smell!) and also doesn't want her toy boxs to smell like used ass funk :P

    use pyrex or glass toys. even metal is better than anything soft like latex or rubber. I have a pyrex butt plug (reviewed on my blog) and after reading your post here I gave it a test sniff. No smell. I tried it out, wore it for an hour and then just rinsed it with water. No smell. Its no porous so it won't hold any scent or bacteria (which will only make the smells worse). Go for glass! You won't regret it :)

  3. Interesting... the silicone butt plug I reviewed didn't smell weird after, but today I finally boiled it, as a number of people suggested, so I hope that will reduce the possibility of future smells.

    Pyrex dos seem like the best idea as far as cleanliness and odor, but the idea of having glass in me does make me nervous...

  4. OG, I've only ever used glass toys (only getting my first soft vibrator this year!) and I've never had issues with it. The thing about pyrex is its more shatter resistant than regular glass. I've dropped some of my toys a few times, I'm a klutz so it happens lol, and they have NEVER chipped or scratched! If there is one thing I know, its Pyrex toys :)