Saturday, July 31, 2010


So looking back at this last week... looking at my little relapse of distrust. The drama around the household maintenance and my distrust of him being able to "fix it". No it is not about his being able... he is able... he just gets frustrated, tired, discouraged. I know his control issues impact him just as strongly as they do me. He has as much or more difficulty meeting his own standards as I do. The universe is a random fucker and things just go wrong. And I know that is one reason he is avoidant...

Anyway... back to what I learned. I learned that my distrust, worry, no matter how respectfully they are voiced, no matter how "real" or "urgent" the issue may be... all these things just make it worse for him. I HAVE to trust him... believe in him totally and when I do this, REALLY DO THIS... it is a hundred, a thousand, a million times better than weighing him down with my fears. When I relax and just "know" it will be alright, he relaxes and starts to believe in himself too.

And you know, when I can do that... things get done here. Yes, on his own time table, in his own quirky way, but they get done and... you know... it feels a hundred, a thousand, a million times better than worrying, doubting, being afraid...

So there it is... Simple to know, simple to understand... and so fucking hard to do.

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