According to D - The sign of a great dominant is "being able to want something, and convince you that you want it, that you need it and crave it and that you are being spoiled and treated like a princess when he gives it to you..."
SFP's D, Bachelor #1 made this statement to her... she did qualify that he did not necessarily claim that he was a "great dominant" but this statement did resonate with me. I started to comment on her blog but it got to be so long and started to sound a bit whiny that I ended up deleting it and deciding to think about this for a while before I went off the deep end.
I started out wondering if it was also a sign of a "great dominant" if he discovers something you want, and cultivated this want in you... teased you with the prospect of maybe, possibly, eventually getting this want. Like all your life dreaming of that little red convertible sports car and having him take you to the show room, letting you walk around it a few times but going home in the old station wagon in the end... with the hint that maybe... or maybe not. Finding pictures of little red sports cars in magazines and showing them to you. Making you want and want more and fucking dream and salivate... and never exactly say yes or no.
Is that the sign of a "great dominant"?
In all fairness, my Master has never aspired to be a great dominant... unless you define a great dominant as a man that just wants things his way without any concession to what other people think or want or say. He has always lived his life this way, strong, independent, not necessarily right but stubborn and fiercely focused on doing things his way. I was married to this man for nearly ten years before I learned to stop fighting with him about this. And it has only been in the last four years that I really have put energy in believing in him, accepting him, embracing him exactly as he is, wrong or right.
I know that along the way, I made a habit of saying, that there is not right way or wrong way, there is only Master's way. I know I have repeated this to myself over and over, choking down the raging protests that filled my heart when I knew, just knew, that his way was crazy, wrong, more difficult, time consuming... and then laughing and finding peace when it does or does not work out exactly as planned, but worked out none the less, worked out better than fighting ever had.
He might not be right all the time, but he is brilliant. I know that more and more I do share his vision because if he alters something, changes what is "Master's way" I bristle and defend the older, original and not necessarily correct or most efficient way. And looking back, I remember how hard it had been when I had to learn to do it that way and now I own it like it was my own. He has wormed his way deep inside my head and heart.
And yes, because he finds it amusing to play with my longings, to see me yearning and wanting without the promise of fulfillment, he will continue to dangle that forbidden fruit just out of my reach. The chances of me actually ever having that "red sports car"... (metaphor people... metaphor) is between slim and none. And because I see the amusement in his eyes, the pleasure he takes in my frustration, I will continue to want what I cannot have... if for no other reason than to see the pleasure reflected in his eyes.
And that willingness on my part, to suffer for his enjoyment, that cultivation of my emotional masochism, I guess that is a kind of greatness. I just have to be careful for what I wish for.
Q and A
18 hours ago