Sunday, December 5, 2010


The local leather organization is sponsoring a class in a local dungeon this afternoon. "Introduction to Humiliation and Erotic Embarrassment" A couple of days ago, I had told Master about it and he made a face, frowned, wrinkled up his nose and shook his head.

I countered with a, "would it be permitted to attend by myself?"

The frown got deeper and he stared at me, perplexed and just a little weirded out. Finally he asked, "Are you really interested in that?"

Oh, god, how humiliating and erotically embarrassing. It was hard to say, "Yes."

He did not say yes or no, but there has been a bit of a flavor change in his tone since then. The 'bitch' word has been coming out a bit more often, the sex has been a just a little more humiliating. And yesterday, when I was all... "I want to get going early. I want to get some shopping done early before the crowds."... he lifted an eyebrow and unzipped his pants and pulled out a lovely hard on and pointed at the computer and said, "You are going to give me a blow job before you go anywhere." So I was on my knees, head bobbing up and down, trying to keep spit and tears out of my hair while he watched some skinny girl get it up the ass by a guy who was still wearing a cowboy hat.

That would have been humiliating if it hadn't been so funny.

I wonder if Master can really humiliate me. My absolute confidence in his love for me kind of undermines it, it always comes off as play or pretend. And I always want to giggle. And I remember once realizing he does not really want me debased, he wants me happy.

Anyway, I was done quickly and up, washed my face, sucking the flavor of sperm out from between my teeth as I headed out the door. I got a lot done, grocery shopping and then I was off down to the big city and the main reason to drive across the bridge, Powell's books. The best book store in the world. I treated myself to a gingerbread latte and bought myself a little package of extra hot ginger gummy bears at the Whole Foods store. (I also got some dried peaches for Master but they were BAD BAD BAD... we ended up throwing them away.) I got that new Mark Twain autobiography for my mom and dad.

I put together a couple of Christmas packages and stood in line at the post office. (Side note: What is it with all the sick people? Everybody was coughing and sniffing. It was like being at the TB ward. The last thing I need is to get sick. I started to wish I had one of those face masks, like Michael Jackson wore all the time.)

It was a rare beautiful day. Bright and sunny, if a little windy and cold, so I changed out of my cute little 'got to the bookstore' corduroy skirt and pulled on some warmer clothes and went out to do something about the drifts of oak leaves in the back yard.

Master's master plan is to drive the bagging lawn mower over these leaves, grind them up and suck them in all in one swell foop. Run in a circle around the lawn and stop at the compost pile and dump, rinse and repeat. So I was out there, pulling and pulling on the rope, giving that lawn mower the piss eye and muttering to myself. "Fucking damn machine. I know you would start for him, but me???? fuck no... fuck no..." I don't want to disturb him. He is finally working on that car in the garage. The last thing I want to do is distract him for even a second. Finally I surrender and march up to the garage and grab a rake. He looks up from his mechanics... "What are you doing?"

I shrug and pun, "I am better at sucking off old jerks than I am at jerking off old suckers." He shook his head and followed me down to the back yard and gave me a lecture on how to start lawn mowers and with one... ONE pull he had it was purring. (that was humiliating.)

So I got all the leaves in the back yard picked up.

Son number one came by with Livie and I cut his hair and I sat down at the computer with him and ordered a family membership at the local science museum for their Christmas present.

We had Philly Steak sammiches for dinner... all in all a good day.

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