Wow... what to say? That was and continues to be the rub. I fell into the trap of thinking that I have to have some deep meaning, some amazing observation... some precious gold nuggets of wisdom to share. And lately... I feel like I have been wading in the shallow end of the pool.
And it was ... and continues to be... very uncomfortable to look down at those metaphorical feet with the murky water of a mundane life swirling around my ankles.
But that is just excuses... just a way to avoid... procrastinate.
And a new year looms before me. And if I know anything... I am totally (slams into a brick wall... blinks away tears... grinds teeth... pushes forward... just keep typing) angry? bored? terrified? disgusted? sad.. ????????? with my life. Currently there is very little I am I feel proud of.
I used to write... I loved writing... I felt like I was good at it. Stories, poetry, this blog... And I know all I need to do is to click on that word icon on the computer screen and I would be writing again.
I used to love my job. Now it just makes me exhausted... physically, emotionally drained. It is very stressful... and I need to find something outside work to recharge my batteries.
And while my husband and I are good... very good... solid... stable... dependable... safe... yet without the power exchange it does not completely satisfy me. And the reality is that I doubt we can get it back... clearly he likes it better without it... and once again I need to find something outside this relationship to scratch that itch.
I spend way too much of my time playing computer games. WAY TOO MUCH TIME. It is an addiction that makes time pass quickly. But after that time has passed I have nothing to show for it... level 602 on fucking Candy Crush???? WTF is wrong with me??? Diablo 3/Hearthstone and god knows a half dozen other random Facebook games...all of them time sucking traps. It is like living on white sugar...it is not filling, it makes me fat... it makes me ashamed... and leaves a terrible taste in my mouth.
So 2015 is here... and I have another year to take stock.. 2014 was not a year to be proud of. But there are some things I need to change.
So here it is... MUCH LESS TIME ON COMPUTER GAMES... and MUCH MORE TIME WRITING. Even if it is about boring, shallow end of the pool, mundane crap.
And the writing thing, means... TA DA!!!! I am going to start writing on this blog again.
13 hours ago