Wednesday, March 23, 2011


What to say about Kinkfest?  It was interesting.  I am glad I went, even if it was pretty expensive for what I ended up doing.  I did not “do” very many things.  I attended three workshops, wandered through the vendor area twice and then ran home.  I did not go to any of the hospitality suites or do more than peek into the dungeon.  (It was huge and dark and scary.  No one was playing in there.)

The workshops were interesting… if not much relevant to my reality. 

The sexual humiliation and erotic embarrassment thing was funny… funny in the fact that there was a huge sense of voyeuristic sadism from the crowd.  They were like the audience at the Roman coliseum.  They were hungry for blood.  The energy in the room was positively scary.  The room was rowdy and loud and the laughter vicious.  I found it all very fascinating.  I also knew that if Master had been there he would have been repulsed by the sight of women being spit on or being force to pee their pants in front of everyone.  (Spit?  Pee?  Snicker.  Master makes me wipe his penis off after a blow job and scrubs the girl parts before touching them.)  I am pretty sure Master would want to get up and leave the room the first time he could smell pee.

The second workshop I attended was “Creative Disobedience, the art of being a wise ass” a presentation by Laura Antoniou.  (She wrote the “Marketplace Series”.)  I was not sure about going to this workshop but it seemed better than the ‘how to hit, tie up… etc… type things offered because Master was not there with me.  I mean… really… I do not need pointers in how to be a wise ass.  I need pointers in how not to be a wise ass.  But in hindsight… this was the best thing I did all that day.  I got there about a half hour early and Laura was there, sitting on a table swinging her legs, hanging out next to stacks of her books that she was schlepping around with her in hopes of making a few extra bucks.

That half hour, talking with her before her talk… was worth every cent I spent on the entry fees.  She is a delightful, tiny, energetic, deadly smart lovely person.  We talked about the issues of trying to market, make money off our stories, being broke, dealing with the vanilla (work/family) side our lives and the kinky writer side and somehow keep them in balance.

Her talk was great… hilarious and actually very helpful.  She delved deep into the “why and how” of being disobedient.  Are we really just wanting to be playful or are we working from a hidden agenda of hostility, unmet needs, resentment, frustration… are we passive aggressively trying to manipulate?  But then she talked about how it can lend a nice edge of danger to a D/s, M/s type of relationship and how it is a gift to ones Master to create situations where he can flex is dominant muscle.  She says the most common complain Master’s have about their slaves is that they are “too” good and they never get to punish them anymore.  She was very careful to teach us how to apologize when we fuck up this “creative disobedience” and really get ourselves in trouble.  It was fun, funny and very enlightening.

I bought two of her books, “The Marketplace” and “The Slave” and got them autographed.  (I think I will write about them once I finish reading them.)

The third workshop was the one I was most looking forward to… “Transforming the D/s into Devotion and service… or something like that.  It was a big disappointment.  It was wayyy too woo-woo for me.  Too much spiritual stuff… too much reference to the Self with a capital “S”.  And True with a capital “T” and slave hearts and spiritual callings to be a Master… and miracles.  I did not walk away from that with much… beyond that real love does not come with conditions or expectations… but I sort of knew that.  I did find it interesting that they did use the words Trust, Devotion and Surrender a lot… the three words I had tattooed upon my body when I made my commitment to my Master.

I walked away from the whole Kinkfest thing feeling a little let down… not because it was not a well presented conference… but because I am not really adept at swimming in those kind of waters.  I know that Kinkfest is a lot more than workshops but I am shy about entering into groups of strangers… and I really am not part of that community.  I don’t go to munches or play with others… my issues are facing daily life in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship and they are not issues that can even be addressed by going solo to any kind of show or workshop.      


  1. Well, that is two bloggers who mentioned the expense.
    I did offer to teach you Creative Disobedience, but it sounds like you got much better advice in your workshop, than I would have given. Since I'm working off of an agenda of hostility and un-met needs. No twue here in the banana boat.

    My word verification is Fackout. Hhhmmm.

  2. Xantu, we were at the SAME work shop (humiliation) and we still managed to miss each other. I was sitting somewhere near the back, I wonder if I saw you?

    I didn't mention the humilation workshop much in my blog post because it was a bit.. mmm, I dunno how to describe it. It was interesting, but I don't think I actually learned anything there. My Master was disappointed with it. I'm not sure how he felt about the peeing in front of 50 people either.

    We're similarly reclusive and don't go to munches or play with anyone else either. The dungeon WAS scary. We played in there for about 5 minutes before we both felt kind of off about it. And amen to this: "my issues are facing daily life in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship and they are not issues that can even be addressed by going solo to any kind of show or workshop". I guess I'm just not a community person?

    Frankly I'm sort of glad we only shelled out the cash for a day pass instead of a 3-day bonanza. :/

  3. I was the "hot" for over fifty something with the curly blond hair, wearing black and had silver chain belt that sort of draped down around my ass?

    Just sayin'

  4. I want Laura's books so badly but everywhere I look people are charging over 20£ (sometimes even 60 or more!) for each one! any idea where I can get them reasonably?

  5. Well her ID on Fetlife is LAntoniou. There are a ton of ways to contact her listed there. Supposedly you can even get it in ebook formats.

  6. Interesting post, Xantu! I"m glad you enjoyed the part you enjoyed!